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NOTE.  "TWO  THOUSAND  PRIZE  JOKES"  is  the  title 
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CREOLE    BELLE 

Copyright,  1900,  by  The  Lampe  Music  Co. 

Transferred  1901  to  The  Whitney  Warner  Pub.  Co.,  Detroit,  Mich. 

Words  by  (Jeorge  Sidney.    Music  by  J.  Bodewalt  Lampe. 

All  coons  are  prancin'  singin'  and  dancin'  go  wild  with  glee, 

I'm  as  happy  as  happy  can  be,  fill  my  heart  with  ecstacy ;   ... . 
All  over  the  nation,  a  celebration  surely  will  be,  V.; 

f  ,-      'Cause  married  I'se  gion' to  be,  to  my  Creole  Belle. 

CaoRrs. 
My  Creole  Belle,  I  love  her  well,  around  my  heart  she  has  cast  a  .spell ; 
Wnen  stars  do  shine,  1  call  her  mine,  my  dusky  baby,  my  Creole  Belle. 

See  them  rehearsin',  for  this  rejoicin',  that's  going  to  be. 
At  the  weddin'  'tween  baby  and  me,  oh,  my  what  a  jamboree ; 

Congratulations  and  presentations,  is  to  be  made. 
Wine,  beer  and  lemonade,  at  this  weddin'  will  be. 

The  parson  tied  the  knot  and  said,  yon  both  just  been  made  one ; 

It  was  a  sight  to  see,  those  coons  all  cheerin'  me ; 
Mv  heart  never  knew  such  joy,  this  moment  of  my  life,         - 

When  the  parson  said  to  me,  the  Creole  Belle's  your  wife. 

Jack-O-Lantern  Man 

Copyright,  1901,  by  The  Whitney  Warner  Pub.  Co.,  Detroit  Mich. 
Words  and  Music  by  "  The  Honey  Boy,"  George  Evans. 

There's  a  creature  who  am  trav'ling  'round  at  night, 

Bt-ware,  beware,  beware, 
If  you  meet  him  you  will  get  an  awful  fright. 

Take  care,  take  care,  take  care  ; 
Whene'er  he  noes  aronnd  he  never  seems  to  make  a  sound, 
When  he  catches  you  he  takes  you  by  the  hair, 
He  doenn't  let  you  go,  but  soon  you'll  find  you  know, 
Dat  you  are  in  the  clutches  of  the  Jack-O-Lantern  Man, 
I>at  you  are  in  the  clutches  of  the  Jack-O-Lantern  Man. 

;.'    '■  ::\:'  \  .'■'■'/■::''■'■■:'■-  Chorts.  -■•■•/■■•:■■,;-■ -\^ 

Oh,  de  Jack -O  Lantern  Man,  oh,  de  Jack-O-Lantern  Man, 
Run  home  lit  tie  pick-a-iiinny  he's  gwine  to  catch  you  if  he  can ; 
Oh,  de  Jack-O-Lantern  Man,  oh,  de  Jack  O-Iiantern  Man. 
Lie  low,  or  off  you're  gwine  to  go,  to  de  cabii.  of  de  Jack-O-Lantern  Man. 

If  you've  been  a  naughty  girl  or  boy  to-c'ay,  ... 

Beware,  beware,  beware, 
And  he  finds  you  he  will  take  you  far  away, 

Take  care,  take  care,  take  care; 
He'll  put  you  in  a  pumpkin  shell  and  plant  you  in  de  ground. 
Your  mammy's  face  you  never  more  wilLscan, 
When  summer  comes,  you  know,  to  a  pumpkin  you  will  grow, 
Because  you're  in  the  clutches  of  the  .Tack-O- Lantern  Man, 
Because  you're  in  the  clutches  of  the  Jack-O-Lantern  Man. 

M7    FAIR?   COOXT 

Copyright,  1901,  by  The  Whitney  Warner  Pub.  Co.,  Detroit,  Mich. 
Words  and  Music  by  Thos.  Chilvers. 

Oh,  honey  I  am  here,  a-standing  very  near. 

And  patiently  I'm  lingering  and  awaiting,  waiting. 
To  see  those  dreamy  eyes,  I'd  walk  clear  to  the  skies, 

To  tell  you  all  the  love  that  I've  been  thinking,  thinking, 
8o  sleep  no  more  to-night,  don't  close  your  eyes  so  tight, 

For  I  wants  you  love  to  listen  to  my  wooing,  wooing, 
So  come  out  here  to  me,  and  happy  will  we  be. 

Just  like  two  turtle  doves  we'll  be  a-cooing. 

Chorits. 

Cause  you're  my  fairy  coon,  true  as  the  Ptars  above. 

And  waiting  out  in  de  light  of  the  moon, 
I  sing  this  serenade,  to  you  my  lady  love. 

So  listen  to  me  my  fairy  coon.  ' 

The  moon's  pale  silv'ry  light  with  stars  that  twinkle  bright. 

All  seem  to  say  that  you  are  only  needed,  needed. 
To  make  this  night,  so  fair,  a  dream  beyond  compare. 

And  bow'r  of  love  with  you  a  queen  conceeded,  ceeded, 
:   8o  rouse  thy  drowsy  eyes,  the  liKht  of  which  I  prize. 

For  the  vi.sion  of  you  honey  I  am  waiting,  waiting. 
To  have  you  by  my  side,  thro'  woodlet  pathes  we'll  glide, 

Just  like  two  nightingales  we'll  be  a-waiting. 

WHEN  I  QAZE  INTO  YOUR  EYES 

Copyright,  1901.  by  The  Whitney  Warner  Pub.  Co.,  Detroit,  Mich. 
Words  and  Music  by  Thos.  H.  Chilvers. 

When  I  gaze  into  your  eyes,  my  love. 

And  press  your  lips  to  mine  so  t*?nderly, 
I  wonder,  when  afar  and  in  distant  lands  I  roam. 

If  you'll  remember  and  be  true  to  me; 
I  cannot  doubt  you  when  I'm  by  your  side. 

The  spell  you  cast  upon  me  seems  devine. 
And  like  some  rare  old  wine,  it  sets  my  blood  aflame, 

When  I  gaze  into  your  eyes  and  press  your  lips  to  mine. 

Chorus. 
\    When  I  gaae  into  your  eyes,  and  press  your  lips  to  mine,       • 
'-.   It  seems  just  "like  a  dream,  and  you're  a  fairy  queen: 
'    WUl  your  love  be  always  true,  as  true  as  mine  for  you? 
.;    'When  I  gaze  into  your  eyes  and  press  your  lips  to  mine, 
■•     Gaze  into  your  eyes  and  press  your  lips  to  mine.  ;  .. 

■'  When  I  gaze  into  your  eyes,  my  love, 

.■  AJid  press  your  lips  to  mine  so  tenderly, 

•  *     ;  It  Meeda  but  just  a  glance  to  bring  me  at  your  feet,  .■.;!.-'• 

■'".':  And  prove  to  you  my  very  constancy . ■ 

•  ,-;.•;      Yoar  lips  seem  like  the  rosebuds  jnst  burst  forth, 
■"  .  ,  The  handiwork  of  cnjiids  fair  design, 

niat  lures  me  to  n>y  fate,  a  victim  t<»  his  craft. 
When  I  gaze  into  your  eyes  and  press  your  lips  to  mine. 


Dear  Little  Cenevie'^e 

Copyright.  1901,  by  The  Whitney  Warner  Pub.  Co.,  Detroit,  Mich. 
Words  and  Music  by  Harold  Z.  Frankensteen. 

Where  waters  flow  so  peacefully,  where  shady  nooks  abotuid. 
Where  singing  birds  and  perfumed  flowers,  and  natures  art  is  fotmdl«     • 
In  the  heart  of  all  this  sunshine,  so  pretty  to  conceive.  ';,. 

Dwells  the  sweetest  of  the  flowers,  little  Ghjnevieve.  ■     .-  ;;-''* :'v- 

Reprain. 
Dear  little  Genevieve,  you  I  would  never  leave,  tell  me  you  do  believe; 
I'll  love  you,  will  you  my  heart  relieve,  for  you  know  I  would  grieve, 
If  me  you  would  deceive,  dear  little  Genevieve.  ' 

No  sunshine  brighter  than  her  smile,  no  stars  her  eyes  outshine,  %> 

Her  tender  heart  and  modest  ways,  make  her  appear  devine ; 
A  lady  to  the  manor  born,  she  never  would  deceive,         .....  r   .■    -     ■         -v 
Fairy  queen  of  hauty  mien  is  little  Genevieve.  ■  ••'"•■''  •■■         -  ' 

If  I  Only  Had  a  Ddllah  of  My  Own 

Copyright,  1900,  by  The  Whitney  Warner  Pub.  Co.,  Detroit,  Mich. 

Words  and  Music  by  Bogert  &:  O'Brien.  "  ; 

I've  been  thinking  of  late  of  my  most  i)eculiar  fate,       •■"  >" 

I  haven't  got  a  place  to  lay  my  head. 
Most  ev'rything  am  cheap,  but  money's  hard  to  reap, 

I  couldn't  buy  a  single  loaf  of  bread. 
I'm  always  forced  to  hide,  it  hurts  my  blue  grass  pride, 

From  morning  until  night  I  weep  and  moan. 
t  r  I  wouldn't  feel  so  blue,  and  I'd  know  just  what  to  do. 

If  I  only  had  a  doUah  of  my  own. 

^  Chorus. 

If  I  only  had  a  doUah  of  my  own,  I  wouldn't  feel  so  gloomy  while  alone. 
My  mind  would  feel  at  a  perfect  ease,  say  what  I  like  and  act  as  I  please, 

I'd  feel  just  like  a  king  upon  a  throne ; 
I  hope  good  fortune  will  some  future  day,  f row  a  little  money  in  my  way, 
I'd  buy  a  gun,  a  butcher  knife,  protect  it  with  my  very  life, 

If  I  only  had  a  dollah  of  my  own. 

This  coon  would  surely  eat  every  kind  of  tender  meat 

Like  possom,  rabbit  and  a  turtle  stew. 
Of  course  I'd  have  mince  pie,  some  quail  on  toast  I'd  buy,  ^" 

Spring  chicken,  turkey,  sweet  potatoes  too; 
For  breakfast  have  wheat  cakes,  I'd  go  to  all  clam  bakes,     ' 

Just  stuff  myself  until  I'd  fairly  groan, 
I  might  try  some  roast  lamb,  but  I'd  ignore  common  ham. 

If  I  only  had  a  dollah  of  my  own. 

Chorus. 

If  I  only  had  a  dollah  of  my  own,  I'd  never  care  for  either  house  or  home, 
I'd  feel  as  big  as  a  millionaire,  buy  everything  and  go  everywhere, 

In  every  foreign  land  I'd  surely  roam, 
I'd  soon  forget  all  troubles  of  the  past,  always  happy  while  my  money 
I'd  lead  a  life  most  fast  and  gay,  I'd  never  sleep  by  night  or  day,     [last* 

If  I  only  had  a  dollah  of  my  own. 

I'd  gamble  all  the  while  in  a  reg'lar  gambling  style. 

They'd  have  to  invent  some  new  games  for  me, 
I'd  bust  that  game  called  craps  and  faro  hank  perhaps. 

Den  I  would  smash  that  game  called  policy. 
I'd  wear  de  loudest  clothes,  tan  shoes  and  fancy  hose. 

Just  to  give  my  appearance  sportin'  tone, 
I  know  I  would  go  wild,  I'd  act  foolish  as  a  child. 

If  I  only  had  a  dollah  of  my  own. 

Chorus. 
If  I  only  had  a  dollah  of  my  own,  I'd  build  a  sailors'  and  a  soldiers'  home, 
I'd  spend  my  gold  in  a  lavish  way,  give  money  to  the  poor  every  day. 

My  name  would  be  the  greatest  ever  known ; 
I'd  surely  have  the  latest  horseless  cab,  everything  a-layin'  loose  I'd  grab, 
Dis  great  suspense  I  can't  endure,  I  know  the  shock  will  kill  me  sure. 

If  I  only  had  a  dollah  of  my  own. 

LINA    LEE 

Copyright.  1900,  by  The  Whitney  Warner  Pub.  Co..  Detroit,  Mich. 
Written  and  Composed  by  Jas.  O'Dea  &  Theo.  H.  Korthrap. 

Where  tall  palmettos  cast  their  shade  beneath  a  tropic  sky. 
Half  hidden  by  the  cane  and  corn  where  southern  breezes  sigh. 
There  stands  the  little  home  of  one  I  long  once  more  to  se«. 
The  sweetest  flower  that  ever  bloomed  in  all  this  world  is  she. 
The  last  good-bye  she  bade  me  there,  beneath  the  milky  way. 
Still  lingers  in  my  mind  as  tho'  'twere  given  yesterday. 
Clear  and  bright  ev'ry  night  in  my  dreams  I  gaze 
Upon  her  dear  sweet  face  the  while  I  sing  my  lady's  praise. 

Refrain. 

^ ,  She  is  my  Lina  Lee  throughout  Dixie  to  the  sea 

There's  none  that's  finer  than  lovely  Lina ; 
No  other  maid  I  know  can  one  half  her  beauty  show, 
She  is  my  southern  queen,  my  lovely,  lovely  Lina  Lee. 

.      She  asked  me  when  I  started  north  to  sometimes  think  of  her. 
And  in  my  thinking  plant,  since  then,  that's  all  that  does  occtir; 
There's  something  always  telling  me  her  heart  is  ever  true, 
She  is  the  subject  of  my  ev'ry  night  and  day  dream  too. 
To  sip  these  tender  kisses  that  not  even  wine  excels, 
I'll  soon  be  roamin'  back  again  to  where  my  Lina  dwells. 
Where  the  breeze  through  the  trees  sing  so  low  and  sweet. 
It's  there  beside  her  in  her  smiles  my  life  will  be  complete. 

The  Words  and  Music  of  any  song  on  this  page  will  'be  sent  to  iBgr 
address  by  The  Whitney  Warner  Pub.  Co..  Detroit,  Mich.,  owners  «C 
copyright,  on  receipt  of  25  cents. 

Send  direct  to  Wehman  Bros.,  126  Park 
Row,  New  York,  for  all  Books  or  Novelties 
advertised  in  any  catalogue  or  Song  Book 


■< 


'  •■^■■^^,r^'^■J\^iffi. 


-m  0   ROARING  JOKES  FOR  FUNNY  FOLKS.   ^  ^ 


"  A  man  stole  a  harness  the  other  day  and  never  left  a  trace."  " '  . 

Most  things  go  to  the  buyer ;  but  coal  goes  to  the  cellar. 

"  1  wish  I  were  secretary  of  the  navy.    I  wouldn't  be  secretary,  long." 

"  Every  time  I  get  on  a  ferryboat  it  makes  me  cross. 

"  Don't  run  off  with  more  than  you  can  carry.  "  »• 

A  man  fell  in  a  barrel  of  whiskey  but  died  in  good  spirits.  . 

"What  iM-ats  a  good  wife?"  * 

"A  bad  liusband." 

"  You  should  think  of  the  future." 

"  I  can't.    It's  my  wife's  birthday  and  I'm  thinkin'  of  the  present." 

"Do  you  belong  to  any  secret  society?"* 
"Yes.     The  gas  company." 

"  I  hear  your  brother  died  and  left  a  lot  of  mon*'y?  " 

"  Yes.    A  policeman  shot  him  before  he  got  out  of  the  bank  with  it. 

"  Did  you  win  anything  at  the  cockflght?  " 
"  No.    I  lost  on  a  fowl.  ' 

"  A  cross-eyed  man  was  arrested  for  burglary.     He  was  found  to  lie 
Straight,  although  he  looked  crooked." 

"  My  girl'-*  father  is  an  undertaker.    He  has  invented  an  automobile 
hearse.    Folks  are  just  dying  to  ride  in  it." 

"  Were  you  bashful  the  first  time  yon  called  on  a  girl?  " 
"Yes,  but  her  father  helped  me  oiit." 

A  friend  of  mine  saw  a  sign  on  a  grocer's  window  which  read :  "  Fam- 
ilies Supplied,"  and  h«'  went  in  and  asked  for  a  wife  and  three  children. 

"  1  heard  vour  kid  bawling  last  night." 

"  Yes,  and  after  five  bawls  he  got  his  base  warmed." 

*'  I  know  a  man  who  .says  he  can't  sit  down  and  he  can't  stand  up." 
"  Well,  if  he  tells  the  truth,  he  lies." 

A  painter,  who  fell  off  a  scaffold  with  a  pot  of  paint  in  each  hand  said: 
"  well,  I  came  down  with  flying  colors,  anyhow.  ' 

"  If  yon  are  in  doubt  about  kissing  a  girl  what  do  yon  do?  " 
"  Give  her  the  beniflt  of  the  doubt." 

"  I  saw  a  pretty  girl  on  the  lawn  with  her  stockings  on  wrong  .side 
out,  so  1  turned  the  hose  on  her." 

Whenever  I  see  a  woman  with  a  Mother  Hubbard  on,  I  feel  like  giving 
her  a  belt. 

"  Speaking  of  playing   poker,  the  other  day  I  wt-nt  down  cellar  and 
saw  a  cat  and  two  mice.     In  half  a  minute  everything  was  in  the  kitty." 

"  Where  did  yon  get  that  hair  on  your  coat?  " 
"  From  the  head  of  the  bed." 

"  Do  v«u  think  the  elevator  boy  stole  your  watch?  " 
"  Well,  he  swore  up  and  down  that  he  didn't." 

Wanted — Man   to  make  a  balloon   ascension.     One  who  nevnr  took  a 
drop  beforr. 

•' Is  undressed  kid  good  material  for  slipp«>rs?  " 
■      "Youl)et." 

"I  was  walking  along  Fourteenth  street  the  other  day  and  picked  up 
a  nickel.    I  went  a  block  further  and  found  a  saloon." 

"  Are  your  folks  well  to  do?  "       .  • 

"No.    Th»'y're  hard  to  do.  ' 

"  I  hear  you  keep  a  list  of  all  the  lianks  in  the  country." 
"Yes.    I  like  to  be  able  to  say  I  keep  a  bank  account." 

She-"  Why  don't  you  water  your  horse?  " 
He— "  1  doii't  liave  to.     He's  a  bay." 

"I  saw  a  sign  in  a  hardware  store  today:  'Ca."t  iron  sinks.'  As 
though  everyone  wasn't  wise  to  that." 

Boy  wante<l  to  run  elevator  in  high  building.  Must  be  a  goo<l  story 
teller 

"  What  iH-came  of  that  girl  you  made  love  to  in  the  hammock?  " 
'•  We  fell  out." 

"  Did  it  takt' you  long  to  learn  to  set  a  mousetrap?  " 
•■  Not  after  I  "got  my  hand  in." 

"What  were  von  carrying  that  shutter  around  for?" 
"Just  for  u  l)lind." 

"  I  am  married  and  I've  got  thre*?  children  for  certificates.  And  ne.Tt 
July  I'm  going  to  celebrate  the  fourth." 

"  I  would  like  to  obtain   the   files  of  your  pajx^r  for  a  week  back." 
"  Why  don't  you  try  a  porous  plaster.' 

"  My  mother  was  born  in  Ireland,  my  father  was  born  in  San  Fran- 
'  Cisco  and  I  was  l)orn  in  Nt-w  York." 

"  Funny  how  you  all  got  together  wasn't  itT" 

"  Have  vou  been  eating  oranges?  " 

••No.    tV^hy?" 

"  I  see  the  skin  all  over  your  face." 

"  I  heard  you  were  held  up  the  other  night  and  robbed  of  a  diamond 
ring.    Why'didn't  yon  call  a  policeman?" 
"I  was  afraid  I'd  lose  my  watch." 

Ethel  told  Nan  that  she  had  a  cat  that  could  jump  as  high  as  Btinker 
Hill  monument,  and  when  Nan  looked  incrt-flulous  Ethel  said:  "Well, 
how  high  can  Bunker  Hill  monument  jump? " 

j"  I  suppose  Barnum  went  to  heaven  when  he  died." 

'•'Well,  he  certainly  had  a  good  cliance.    In  fact  he  had  the  great«*st 

show  on  earth." 

'  The  Drummers  Latest :  Funni«-st  Stories  Ever  Told."    Price  2.1  cents 
Address  all  ortU-rs  direct  to  Wehman  Bros..  136  Park  Row,  New  York. 


What  dm's  a  fat  woman  do  when  she  goes  into  a  theatre  on  i^  hot 
summer  night?    Takes  off  her  bat  and  panta. 


]. 


The  way  mv  brother  got  out  of  jail  was  this:    The  govenor  visited 
the_  jail  «Mie  day  and  my  brother  accidently  stepped  on  his  foot.    He 
Pardon  me,  govenor,"  and  the  govenor  did.  i       .  . 


said: 


"  My  sister  had  a  fright  yesterday.  She  had  a  black  spider  nm  up 
her  arm." 

"  That's  nothing.  I  had  a  sewing  maching  run  up  the  seam  of  my 
pants."  I 

A  little  girl  was  taught  to  close  her  evening  prayer  during  the  absence 
of  her  papa  with:  '•  Plea,se  watch  over  my  papa."  Her  papa  returned 
and  her  mamma  l)lu.she<l  when  the  child  added:  "And  you'd  Hotter  keep 
an  eye  on  mamma,  too." 

A  man  wont  into  a  .Tew  clothing  store  and  tried  on  a  coat  and  vest. 
While  the  Jew  turne<l  his  l)ac-k  to  get  the  trousers,  the  man  ran  out  of 
the  store.  A  p«)li<;eman  came  by  and  pulled  his  pistol.  The  Jew  called 
out  excitedly :  "  Shoot  him  in  the  pants.    The  coat  and  vest  is  mine." 

A  lK>y  stood  on  the  corner  of  Fourteenth  street  and  Fourth  avenue, 
industriously  s<!ratching  his  head,  when  a  gentleman,  who  was  passing, 
said  to  him;  "  Picking  'em  out,  sonny?"  "  No,  sir,"  replied  the  boy,  "I 
takes  'em  just  as  I  finds  'em." 

"  At  a  German  picnic  if  one  man  gets  e.xcited  and  calls  another  a  liar, 
the  friends  of  the  two  get  aroun<l,  some  one  orders  beer  and  the  two 
men  shake  hands  and  join  in  a  song.  At  an  Irish  picnic  if  one  man  calls 
another  a  liar,  that's  vour  cue  to  climb  a  trt^.  There's  no  glass  of  beer 
ever  goin' to  square  that."  .     .  ,  , 

"  Did  yon  ever  notice  the  differance  between  a  German  picnic  and  an 
Irish  picnic?  The  Germans  meet  at  the  hall  and  march  right  out  to  the 
picnic.  Do  the  Irish  do  that?  Not  on  your  life!  They've  got  to  march 
around  town  about  three  hours.  Every  man  in  the  procession  wants  tu 
pass  his  own  house.  . 

"  I  saw  a  man  yesterday  with  a  "  deaf  and  dumb  "  sign  on.  So  I  gave 
him  a  nickle.  He  said:  "  Thank  you.  "  I  said,  I  thought  you  were  deaf 
and  dumb.  "  Oh,"  he  said,  "  I'm  only  minding  this  place  till  the  other 
fellow  comes  back."  Well,  where  is  the  other  fellow,  I  asked.  "Oh, 
he's  over  in  the  beer  garden  listening  to  the  music." 


A  lady  was  walking  along  Market  street,  in  San  Francisco,  Holding  a 
little  girl  by  the  hand,  who  showed  all  the  symptoms  of  having  a  flea  on 
her  somewhere.  A  newsboy  rushed  up  and  exclaimed  "Examiner' 
Examiner!"  "I'll  wait  till  I  get  home,  I  gue.ss,"  said  the  lady,  refle<' 
tively. 

At  the  last  town  meeting  some  one  wanted  an  appropriation  of  flO.Om 
made  to  build  a  new  .school-honse.  I. says:  •*  No.  We'll  take  the  briclc< 
from  tho  <»ld  .school-house  and  we'll  build  the  new  schoolhon.se  witli 
tliem.  And  well  leave  the  old  school-hotise  stand  'till  the  new  one  i.s 
finished. 


A  man  nrrestffl  for  murder  bril>ed  an  Irishman  on  the  jury  with  a 
hundred  dollars  to  hangout  for  a  verdict  of  manslaughter.  The  jury 
were  out  a  long  lime  anil  finally  came  in  with  a  verdict  of  inans1an;;ht)'r 
The  man  rushed  up  to  the  Irish  juror  and  said  :  '•  I'm  oblieed  to  you  un- 
friend. Did  you  have  a  hard  time?"  "Yes,"  said  the  Irisliman. 
h — 11  of  a  time.     The  other  eleven  wanted  to  acquit  you." 


•A 


Casey  and  Riley  agreed  to  settle  their  dispute  hv  n  fight,  and  it  was 
uiiderstrKKl  that  whoever  want«<«l  to  quit  should  say.  "  enough."  Cinev 
got  liiley  down  and  was  hammering  him  nnnuTi-ifully,  when  Riley 
called  out  st^veral  times,  "enough!"  As  Casey  paid  no  attention,  but 
kei>t  on  administrating  puni.shment,  a  bvstander  said  :  ••  Why  don't  you 
let  him  up?  Don't  you  hear  him  say  that  he's  got  enough?"  •'  1  do," 
says  Ca.sey,  "  but  he's  such  a  liar,  y<m  can't  l>elieve  him." 


There  is  a  well  known  saloon  in  Brooklyn  which  h.is  three  entraufes. 
Casey  enters  and  the  bartender  refu.ses  to  serve  him  Ixtcanse  he  is  in- 
toxicated. After  an  argnm«'nt  Casey  leaves  the  saloon  and  soon  dis 
covers  the  w'cfmd  entrance.  He  goes  in  and  looks  at  the  bartender  with 
considerable  surprise  and  again  calls  for  a  drink  and  is  again  refus.^! 
He  leaves,  but  soon  conies  back  through  the  third  entrance.  He  walks 
up  to  the  bar  unsteadily,  and  looking  the  bartender  in  the  face  sjiys  dis- 
gustedly ;  "  kJayl  do  you  own  all  the  saloons  in  town?" 


I  went  intr)  a  bakerv  the  other  day  and  ordere<l  200  cream  puffs.  Tlie 
baker  said  he  would  nave  them  for  me  in  almut  an  hour.  Then  I  went 
across  the  stre«'t  to  a  clothing  store  and  s«'lect«>d  a  suit  of  clothes  price 
|.tO.  I  asked  the  man  if  he  would  trust  me  for  the  suit  and  he  refu-.ed. 
I  said:  "Do  you  know  the  baker  across  the  street?"  He  said :  "Yes." 
I  saitl:  "Will  you  let  me  have  the  suit  if  he  stands  good  for  it?"  He 
said:  "Yes."  Well,  the  baker  was  standing  in  front  of  his  store  and  1 
called  out  across  the  street :  "  How  about  them  200  you  promised  me?  " 
He  .<;aid :  "  In  about  half  an  hour."  I  pointed  to  the  clothing  store  man 
and  said,  "give  him  .SO."  He  nodded  and  the  clothing  store  man  said: 
"  Come  inside  and  I'll  have  the  suit  wrapped  up  for  you. 


r   - 

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POPULAR    RECITATIONS. 


CURFEW    MUST    NOT    RING    TO-NICHT. 

EiiKUnd's  sun  was  slowly  setting  o'er  the  hilLs  so  far  away, 

Filline  all  the  land  with  beauty  at  the  close  of  one  aad  day ; 

And  the  last  rays  kiss'd  the  forehead  of  a  man  and  maiden  fair, 

He  with  step  so  slow  and  weakened,  she  with  sunny,  floatini;  hair; 

H«'  with  sad  bowed  head,  and  thoughtful,  she  with  lips  so  cold  and  white, 

btruggling  to  keep  back  the  murmur,  "  Curfew  must  not  ring  to-night." 

"  Sexton,"  Bessie's  white  lips  faltered,  pointing  to  the  pris6n  old, 

With  it's  walls  so  dark  and  gloomy— walls  so  dark  and  damp  and  cold— 

'•  I've  a  lover  in  that  prison,  doomed  this  very  night  to  die 

At  the  ringing  of  the  Curfew,  and  no  earthly  help  is  nigh. 

Cromwell  will  not  come  till  sunset,"  and  her  face  grew  strangely  white, 

As  she  spoke  in  husky  whispers,  "  Curfew  must  not  ring  to-night." 

"  Bessie,"  calmly  spoke  the  sexton— every  word  pierced  her  young  heart 

Like  a  thousand  gleaming  arrows,  like  a  deadly  poisened  dart — 

*'  Long,  long  years  I've  rung  the  Curfew  from  that  gloomy  shadowed 

Every  evening,  just  at  sun.set,  it  has  told  the  twilight  hour ;  [tower, 

I  have  done  my  duty  ever,  tried  to  do  it  just  and  right. 

Now  I'm  old  I  will  not  miss  it ;  girl,  the  Curfew  rings  to-night  I  " 

Wild  her  eyes  and  pale  her  features,  stern  and  white  her  thoughtful 
,  And  within  her  heart's  deep  centre,  Bessie  made  a  solemn  vow ;    [brow, 
She  had  listened  while  the  judges  read,  without  a  tear  or  sigh, 
"  At  the  ringing  of  the  Curfew— Basil  Underwood  MUST  die." 
And  her  breath  came  fast  and  faster,  and  her  eyes  grew  large  and  bright. 
One  low  murmur,  scarcely  spoken—"  Curfew  MUST  kot  ring  to-nightl  " 

She  with  light  step  bounded  forward,  sprang  within  the  old  church  door, 
Left  the  old  man  coming  slowly  paths  he'd  trod  so  oft  before; 
Not  one  moment  paused  the  maiden,  but  with  cheek  and  brow  aglow. 
Staggered  up  the  gloomy  tower,  where  the  bell  swung  to  and  fro ; 
Then  she  climl)ed  the  slimy  ladder,  dark,  without  one  rayjof  light. 
Upward  still,  her  pale  lips  saying :  "  Curfew  shall  not  ring  to-night." 

She  has  reached  the  topmost  ladder,  o'er  her  hangs  the  great  dark  bell. 
And  the  awful  gloom  lx*neath  her,  like  the  pathway  down  to  hell ; 
See,  the  ponderous  tongue  is  swinging,  'tis  the  hour  of  Curfew  now. 
And  the  sight  has  chilled  her  bosom,  stopped  her  breath  and  paled  her 
Shall  she  let  it  ring?  No,  never!  her  eyes  flash  with  sudden  light,  [brow. 
As  she  springs  and  grasps  it  firmly—"  Curfew  shall  not  ring  to-night !  " 

Out  she  swung,  far  out,  the  city  seemed  a  tiny  speck  below ; 
There,  twixt  heaven  and  earth  suspende<l,  as  the  bell  swung  to  and  fro; 
And  the  half-deaf  sexton  ringing  (years  he  had  not  heard  the  bell). 
And  he  thought  the  twilight  Curfew  rang  young  Basil's  funeral  knell : 
Still  the  maiden  clinging  firmly,  cheek  and  brow  so  pale  and  white,  [night 
Stilled  her  frightened  heart's  wild  beating—"  Curfew  shall  not  ring  to- 

It  was  o'er— the  bell  ceased  swaying,  and  the  maiden  stepped  once  more 
Firmly  on  the  damp  old  ladder,  where  for  hundred  years  before 
Human  foot  had  not  been  planted;  and  what  she  this  night  had  done 
^i.juld  be  told  in  long  vears  after — as  the  rays  of  setting  sun 
Light  the  sky  with  mellow  beauty,  aged  sires  with  heads  of  white 
Tell  their  children  w)iy  the  Curfew  did  not  ring  that  one  sad  night. 

O'er  the  distant  hills  came  Cromwell ;  Be.s-sie  saw  him,  and  her  brow. 
Lately  while  with  sickening  terror,  glows  with  sudden  beauty  now; 
At  his  foot  she  told  her  story,  showed  her  hands  all  bruised  and  torn : 
And  her  sweet  you  face  so  haggard,  with  a  look  so  sad  and  worn, 
Touched  his  heart  with  sudden  pity— lit  his  eyes  with  misty  light ; 
•■  Go,  your  lover  lives!  "  cried  Cromwell ;  Curfew  shall  not  ring  to-night. 

THE    BOOTBLACK. 

Here  y'are ?  Black  your  boots,  bo.ss,  do  it  for  jest  five  cents. 

Shine  'em  up  in  a  minute— that  is  'f  nothin'  prevents. 
Set  your  foot  right  on  there,  sir ;  the  mornin's  kinder  cold- 
Sorter  rough  on  a  feller  when  his  coat's  a-gettin'  old. 
Well,  yes— call  it  coat,  sir,  though  'tain't  much  more'n  a  tear : 
Can't  get  myself  another— ain't  got  the  stamps  to  spare. 
Make  as  much  as  most  on  'em?  That's  so ;  Init  then,  yer  see. 
They've  only  got  one  to  do  for;  there's  two  on  us.  Jack  and  me. 
Him?  Why— that  little  feller  with  the  double-up-sorter  back, 
Sittin'  there  on  the  gratin'  sunnin'  hisself— that's  Jack. 
Used  to  be  'round  sellin'  papers,  the  cars  there  was  his  lay. 
But  he  got  shoved  off  the  platform,  vmder  the  wheels,  one  day. 
Yes.  the  conductor  did  it— gave  him  a  regular  throw- 
He  dic^a't  care  if  he  killed  him ;  some  on  em  is  just  so. 

He's  never  been  all  right  since,  sir,  sorter  quiet  and  queer— 
Him  and  me  go  together,  he's  what  they  call  cashier. 

Trouble?  I  guess  not  much,  sir:  sometimes  when  biz  gets  slack 
I  don't  know  how  I'd  stand  it  if  'twa.sn't  for  little  Jack. 
Why,  boss,  you  ought  to  hear  him ;  h<^  says  we  needn't  care  ■ 
How  rough  luck  is  down  here,  «ir,  if  some  day  we  get  up  there. 
All  done  now— how's  that,  sir?  Shine  like  a  pair  of  lamps. 
Mornin' !  — give  it  to  Jack,  sir,  he  looks  after  the  stamps. 

THE    DYING   SOLDIER.      T"""^ 

"  Chaplain,  I  am  dying,  dying;  cut  a  lock  from  off  my  hair. 

For  my  darling  mother,  chaplain,  after  I  am  dead,  to  wear; 

Mmd  you,  'tis  for  mother,  chaplain,  she  whose  early  teachings  now 

Soothe  and  comfort  the  poor  soldier  with  the  death  dew  on  his  brow. 

"  Kneel  down,  now,  beside  me,  chaplain,  and  return  my  thanks  to  Him 
Who  so  good  a  mother  gave  me;  oh,  my  eyes  are  growing  dim ; 
Tell  her,  chaplain,  should  you  see  her,  all  at  last  with  me  was  well : 
Through  the  valley  of  the  shadow  I  have  gone,  with  Christ  to  dwell. 

"  Do  not  weep,  I  pray  you,  chaplain ;  yes,  ah !  weep  for  mother  dear ; 
I'm  the  only  living  son,  sir,  of  a  widow'd  mourner  here ; 
Mother!  I  am  going,  going  to  the  land  where  angels  dwell: 
I  commend  you  unto  Jesus :  mother  darling— fare  you  well." 

Downward  from  their  thrones  of  beauty  look'd  the  stars  upon  his  face ; 
Upward  on  the  wings  of  duty  sped  the  angel  of  God's  grace. 
Bearing  through  the  heavenly  portal,  to  his  blessed  home  above. 
The  dead  soldier's  soul  immortal,  to  partake  of  Christ's  sweet  love. 

Far  away,  in  humble  cottage,  sits  his  mother,  sad  and  lone;  >.:..■.' 

And  her  eves  are  red  with  weeping,  thinking  of  her  absent  son . 
Snddenlv  Death's  pallid  presence  cast  a  shadow  o'er  her  brow ; 
Smiling  a  sweet  smile  of  welcome,  she  is  with  her  loved  ones  now. 


THE   GAMBLER'S   WIFE. 

■'■•■■■  = ' --■^^'  ■:  ■■•■'■■■^:--  -.  ;A  By  Coatee.  ■;  >.  / 

Dark  is  the  night !  how  dark  I  no  light !  no  fire !  '' 

Cold  on  the  hearth  the  last  faint  sparks  expire! 

Shivering  .she  watches  by  the  cradle  side  /       .' ' 

For  him  who  pledged  her  love— last  year  a  bride! 

"Hark!  'tis  his  footstep!    No— 'tis  past;  'tis  gone;  -^ 

Tick!— tick!    How  wearily  the  time  crawls  on,  '  ; 

Why  should  he  leave  me  tnus?    He  once  was  kind. 

And  I  believed  'twould  last — how  inad!  how  blind! 

Ke«t  thee,  my  babe— rest  on !    'Tis  hunger's  cry  I 

Sleep,  for  there  is  no  food,  the  fount  is  dry. 

Famine  and  cold  their  wearying  work  have  done ; 

My  heart  must  break!    And  thou!  "-The  clock  strikes  one. 

"  Hush !  'tis  the  dice-box.    Yes,  he's  there,  he's  there ! 

For  this,  for  this,  he  leaves  me  to  despair! 

Leaves  love,  leaves  truth,  his  wife,  his  child— for  what? 

The  wanton's  smile— the  villain— and  the  sot!  > 

Yet  I'll  not  curse  him  ;  no,  'tis  all  in  vain. 

'Tis  long  to  wait,  but  sure  he'll  come  again ; 

And  I  could  starve  and  bless  him,  but  for  you. 

My  child— HIS  child— oh.  fiend!  "—The  clock  strikes  two.' 

"  Hark !  how  the  sign-board  creaks,  the  blast  howls  by ! 

Moan— moan !    A  dirge  swells  through  the  cloudy  sky ! 

Ha!  'tis  his  knock— he  comes — he  comes  once  more —  ^.  v 

'Tis  but  the  lattice  flaps.    Thy  hope  is  o'er. 

Can  he  desert  me  thus?    He  knows  I  stay  -  '     •■ 

Night  after  night  in  loneliness  to  pray  ■  . '. 

For  his  return— and  yet  he  sees  no  tear.  '.   .      " 

No,  no!  it  cannot  be.    He  will  be  here. 

Nestle  more  closely,  dear  one,  to  my  heart : 

Thou'rt  cold— thou'rt  freezing ;  but  we  will  not  part. 

Husband,  I  die!    Father,  it  is  not  he! 

Oh,  Heaven,  protect  my  child!  "—The  clock  strikes  three. 

They're  gone!  they're  gone!    The  glimmering  spark  hath  fled. 

The  wife  and  child  are  number'd  with  the  dead! 

On  the  cold  hearth,  out-stretched  in  solemn  rest. 

The  child  lies  frozen  on  its  mother's  breast! 

The  gambler  came  at  last— but  all  was  o'er—  ■  ■• 

Dead  silence  reigned  around— he  groaned— he  spoke  no  more. 


THE   CHARGE   OF  THE    LIGHT    BRIGADE. 

By  Alfred  Tennyson. 

Half  a  league,  half  a  league,  half  a  league  onward. 

All  in  the  valley  of  death,  rode  the  six  hundred. 
"  Forward,  the  Light  Brigade!  "  "  Charge  for  the  guns!  "  he  said. 

Into  the  valley  of  death  rode  the  six  hundred. 

"  Forward,  the  Light  Brigade!  "  was  there  a  man  dismayed? 

Not  tho'  the  .soldiers  knew  .some  one  had  blundered ; 
Theirs  not  to  make  reply,  theirs  not  to  rea,son  why,  theirs  but  U)  do  and 

In  the  valley  of  death  rode  the  six  hundred.  [die. 

Cannon  to  right  of  them,  cannon  to  left  of  them. 

Cannon  in  front  of  them  volley'd  and  thunder'd : 
Storm'd  at  with  shot  and  shell,  "boldly  they  rode  and  well,  into  the  jaws 

Into  the  mouth  of  hell  rode  the  six  hundred.  [of  deatli, 

Flash'd  all  their  sabres  bare,  flash'd  as  they  tnrn'd  in  air,  sabring  the 
Charging  an  army,  while  all  the  world  wonder'd :  [gunners  there. 

Plunged  in  the  battery-smoke,  right  thro'  the  line  they  broke; 

Cos-sjick  and  Russian  reel'd  from  the  sabre-stroke,  shatter'd  and  sunder  d. 
Then  they  rode  back— but  not,  not  the  six  hundred. 

Cannon  to  the  right  of  them,  cannon  to  left  of  them,  - 

Cannon  behind  them  volley'd  and  thunder'd ;  [had  fought  ao  well, 

Storm'd  at  w^ith  shot  and  .shell,  while  horses  and  hero  fell,  they  that 
Came  thro'  the  jaws  of  death,  back  from  the  mouth  of  hell. 
All  that  was  left  of  them,  left  of  six  hundred.  "  . 

When  can  their  glory  fade?  oh,  the  wild  charge  they  made! 

All  the  world  wonder'd.  " 

Honor  the  charge  they  made,  honor  the  Light  Brigade, 

Noble  six  hundred ! 


THE   COLLIER'S    DYING    CHILD. 

By  Farmer. 

The  cottage  was  a  that^^hed  one.  its  outside  old  and  mean ; 
Yet  everything  within  that  cot  was  wondrous  neat  and  clean  ; 
The  night  was  dark  and  stormy— the  wind  was  blowing  wild— 
A  patient  mother  sat  beside  the  deathbed  of  her  child— 
A  little,  worn-out  creature— his  once  bright  eyes  grown  dim ; 
It  was  a  Collier's  child— they  called  him  "  Little  Jim." 
And  oh!  to  see  the  briny  tears  fast  flowing  down  her  cheek. 
As  she  offered  up  a  prayer  in  thought— she  was  afraid  to  speak,      . 
Lest  she  might  waken  one  she  loved  far  dearer  than  her  life ; 
For  she  had  all  a  mother's  heart,  that  wretched  collier's  wife. 
With  hands  uplifted,  see,  she  kneels  beside  the  sufferer's  l>ed. 
And  prays  that  God  shall  spare  her  boy,  and  take  herself  in.stead: 
She  gets  her  answer  from  her  child— soft  falls  these  words  from  him  • 
"  Mother!  the  angels  do  so  smile,  and  beckon  little  Jim ! 
I  have  no  pain,  dear  mother,  now ;  but  oh !  I  am  so  dry ; 
Just  moisten  poor  Jim's  lips  once  more ;  and,  mother,  do  not  cry  I  " 
With  gentle,  trembling  haste,  she  held  a  tea-cup  to  his  lips- 
He  smiled  to  thank  her— then  he  took  three  little  tinv  sitw. 
"  Tell  father,  when  he  comes  from  work,  I  said  '  good-night! "  -to  Tilm ; 
And,  mother,  now  I'll  go  to  sleep."    ....    Alas !  poor  Little  Jim ! 
She  saw  that  he  was  dying !  the  child  she  loved  so  dear,  - 

Had  utter'd  the  last  words  she'd  ever  wish  to  hear.  ■  '■;/^".-." 

The  cottage  door  is  opened— the  Collier's  step  is  heard ; 
The  father  and  the  mother  meet,  but  neither  speak  a  word ;     -'      ' 
He  felt  that  all  was  over— he  knew  the  child  was  dead! 
He  took  the  candle  in  his  hand,  and  stood  beside  the  bed ;  '.■■:.     ,   ,. 

His  quivering  lip  gave  token  of  the  grief  he'd  fain  conceal ;     '''■"■■     '    '  • 
And  see,  the  mother  joins  him!— the  striken  couple  kneel : 
With  hearts  bowed  down  by  sorrow,  they  humbly  ask,  of  Him 
In  heaven,  once  more  that  they  may  meet  their  own  poor  "  Little  Jim." 


'■i 


% 


.  ^iJil'i-'rAT^tvl^  . 


'X 


FORTUNE-TELLING   TABLET^ 

AS  USED  BT.THi:  EGYPTIAN  •ASTROLOGERS. 

The  person  whose  fortune  is  to  be  told,  is  to  place  the  finger  with  his  eyes  shut,  on  any 
of  the  letters  below;  then  to  refer  to  the  corresponding  letter,  running  along  the  inside  of 
the  border,  and  has  reference  to  the  Oracle  below,  which  will  determine  the  fortune  of  the 
enquirer. 


CO 


o 


1^ 


o 


■a 
O 


■o 
n 


to 


TABLET. 


S     Y 
A    G    N    Q 

V         D  Z  E  X  L  W 
'     A  P  N  0  G  0  W 
L   Q    R   S   T   E   U    C 
KGLKVWTMF 
SVANMGDPRR 
ORBWXAGEN 
H    B    I    X    F    G    S    L 
B  H  L  N  W  V  S 
U  G  F  T  S  Y 
A  Y  W  I 
L    G 


^- 


I 


Z  8        L  17       IC  22 


1T9 


0  16 


F2 


Q3 


ca 


»3 


»9 

■1^ 


M 

o 


'  -  • ' 


*o 


EXPLANATION   OF  TABLET. 


«6 


1.  If  this  number  is  fixed  upon  by  a  man,  it  assures  him,  if  sint^le,  a 
homely  wife,  but  rich  ;  if  married,  an  increase  of  riches,  numerous  chil- 
dren, and  go»d  old  age.  To  a  lady,  the  faithfulness  of  her  lover,  and  a 
speedy  marriage. 

3.  Very  good  fortune,  audden  prosperity,  great  respect  from  high 
personages,  and  a  letter  bringing  important  news. 

7.  This  number,  to  a  woman,  is  wonderful  in  showing,  if  single,  a 
handsome,  rich  and  constant  husband;  and  if  married,  a  faithful  part- 
ner, and  who  will  be  of  good  family,  as  she  must  know  she  has  married 
above  her  condition.    To  a  man  much  the  same. 

8.  This  is  a  general  good  sign,  and  your  present  expectations  will  be 
fnlfiUod,  and  you  have  some  on  the  anvil.  ^ 

0.  If  a  married  man  or  woman  draws  this,  if  under  fifty,  let  them  not 
despair  of  a  family.     To  the  single,  uudden  marriage. 

10.  A  friend  ha.<*  crossed  the  sea,  but  will  bring  home  some  riches,  by 
which  t)ie  parties  are  benefitted- 

12.  An  uncommon  number,  belonging  to  scriptural  signs,  and  the 
party  will  have  success  in  all  his  undertakings. 

15.  No  doubt  but  the  chooser  is  very  poor,  and  thought  insignificant ; 
^t  let  his  friends  assist  him  or  her,  aa  he  in  much  favored. 

16.  A  very  sudden  journey  with  a  plea.sant  fellow-traveller ;  and  the 
result  of  the  journey  will  be  generally  beneficial  to  your  family. 

18.  A  sudden  acquaintance  with  the  opposite  sex  which  will  be  op- 
posed ;  but  the  party  should  persevere,  as  it  will  be  to  his  or  her  ad- 
ran  tage. 

21  A  letter  of  importance  will  arrive,  announcing  the  death  of  a 
p^ative  for  whom  you  have  no  very  great  respect,  but  who  has  left  you 
s  legacy. 


22.    Be  very  prudent  in  your  conduct,  as  this  number  is  very  preca- 
rious, and  much  depends  on  yourself ;  it  is  good. 

'£i.    A  very  accomplished  woman  will  be  the  wife  of  the  man  wh( 
chooses  this  number. 

24.    Let  the  chooser  of   this  number  persevere;   all  of  his  or  her 
schemes  are  good,  and  must  succeed. 

BAD   FORTUNE. 
2.    Shows  the  loss  of  a  friend ;  bad  success  at  law. 

4.  A  letter  announcing  the  loss  of  money. 

5.  The  man  who  draws  this  number,  let  him  examine  his  moles,  and 
he  will  find  more  about  him  than  he  imagines. 

6.  Very  bad  success;  you  may  expect  generally  not  to  succeed  in 
your  undertaking. 

11.    I  should  rather  8u.spect  the  fidelity  of  vour  husband  or  wife,  if 
married ;  if  single,  you  are  shockingly  deceived. 

13.  You  want  to  borrow  money,  and  yon  hope  you  will  have  it,  but 
you  will  be  deceived. 

14.  The  old  man  vou  depend  upon  is  going  to  be  married,  and  his 
wife  will  have  a  child. 

17.    You  mix  with  this  company,  and  pretend  to  despise  our  tablet, 
but  you  rely  much  on  it,  and  may  depend  on  being  brought  to  disgrace 

19.    Look  well  to  those  who  owe  you  money,  if  ever  ao  little.    A  letter 
of  abuse  may  be  expected. 

3U.    A  drunken  partner,  and  bad  success  in  trade;  the  party  will 
never  be  very  poor,  but  always  happy. 

2.5.    Those  who  choose  this  unlucky  number,  let  them  look  well  t« 
their  conduct ;  justice,  though  slow,  is  surw  to  overtake  the  wicked. 


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^  Ain't  Dat  a  Shame? 

Parody— by  Harry  J.  Breen. 

I  bonffht  a  nice  big  sofa,  pat  it  in  my  front  room, 

But  I  caught  my  salesman  and  my  wife  making  love  on  it  quite  soon. 

I  felt  quite  blue,  1  am  a  hard  luck  Jew,  whenever  I'd  go  out  to  my  great 

They'd  sit  upon  the  Bofa  and  start  to  stake  goo  goo  eyes.  [  surprise 

I  felt  bad  of  course,  I  don't  want  a  divorce, 

I  don't  want  to  lose  my  salesman  for  he  makes  me  lots  of  dough, 

But  if  things  keep  on  the  way  they  are,  out  of  my  head  I'll  go. 

I  moat  stop  quick  for  it  makes  me  sick. 

Chorus.  ^.     " 

Ain't  dat  a  shame,  a  regular  shame, 
•;  But  I'll  fix  that  fellow  and  his  little  game,  ,       •" 

(I  woa't  have  a  bit  of  pity). 
I'll  fix  that  loafer,  I'll  Bell  the  sofa, 
That's  all  I  can  do  with  him,  ain't  that  a  shame. 


Ohl  Mister  Din^ 

Parody— by  Bd.  Daly. 

My  father  and  I  we  had  such  a  fight, 

Just  a  week  ago  to-day,  it  was  a  sight,  .■■":' 

He  said,  my  son  Ikey,  why  are  you  so  sad, 

Father  how  can  I  feel  glad.  ..    '•    ■■" 

Now  Ikey  don't  you  cry,  go  and  wipe  your  eye, 

Everywhere  I  go  I'm  a  noly  show. 

When  I  walk  along  the  street,  some  friends  I  happen  to  meet, 

They  say  I  am  a  disgrace  to  my  own  race. 

'  Chorus.      '  '  ' 

Ohl  what  a  face,  such  a  disgrace,  '    . 

To  have  you  Ikey,  in  the  Hebrew  race,  '      '    ..      ■ 

I'm  not  to  blame,  I  really  feel  asbame. 
Because  my  father  gave  me  such  a  face. 

Mr.  Cohen  and  his  son  opened  a  clothing  store, 

It  was  right  along  the  line  in  the  bay,  ••■-.•. 

He  kept  clothing  that  had  been  worn  before; 

He  told  his  son  Ikey  about  a  sale  the  other  day. 

What  do  you  think  of  that  nigger  a-came  in  here, 

Igave  him  a  pair  of  pants  instead  of  a  coat. 

The  next  day  he  came  back,  and  said  don't  fear, 

Then  Cohen  beard  that  nigger  say  so  loud : 

Chorus. 

Give  me  my  money,  don't  think  yourself  so  fanny. 
By  giving  me  a  coat  instead  of  a  pair  of  pants. 
Cohen  he  did  say.  now  nigger  you  better  go  away. 
Or  Ikey,  my  son  Ikey,  wiU  put  you  out. 


Parody— by  Harry  J.  Breen. 

Mamie  when  a  bab^  pat  ten  cents  in  her  moath, 

Mamie  swallowed  It,  she's  ten  in  and  ten  out ;       ^   , 

She  ran  for  a  doctor,  for  the  doctor  quick. 

She  ran  for  a  doctor,  for  she  was  feeling  sick. 

The  doctor  said  I'll  treat  you,  Mamie  said,  oh,  dear, 

If  you  care  to  treat  me,  I'll  take  a  pint  of  beer. 

He  worked  with  her  an  hour,  done  all  that  he  coald  do. 

She  only  swallowed  ten  cents  but  he  made  her  cough  up  two. 

Chorus. 

Oh!  ohl  oh!  oh!  Mamie,  isn't  it  a  shame. 
Has  Tour  mother  anv  more  at  home  like  you? 
Really  you're  a  wonder,  very  fond  of  plunder. 
Full  of  laughter,  but  a  grafter,  Mamie. 

Mamie's  mother  took  her  down  upon  a  farm, 

Mamie's  mother  said  'twould  keep  her  out  of  harm, 

One  day  it  was  raining.  Mamie,  on,  bosh, 

I  must  go  out  in  the  rain,  I'll  wear  my  mackintosh. 

When  the  rain  was  over,  she  hung  it  on  a  fence,  '  ' 

But  a  bad  cow  came  along  now  trouble  did  commence. 

She  started  in  to  eat  the  coat,  she  thought  that  it  was  silk, 

Mamie  said,  oh,  mother,  now  we'll  have  water-proof  milk. 


COOIT,    COOXT,   COOXT 

- '■  '■"},':■:■_'>/:'':  \-:-'-'',     Parody— by  Ed.  Daly.     '.:.'"■'■:  ■\-''^x  »':" -■'••":".; 

I  thonght  I  had  a  patent  for  bleaching  ladies  hair,  •   .     .; 

I  invested  all  my  money,  and  I  says  I  wouldn't  care, 

A  little  box  of  matches  and  a  bottle  of  karecene, 

I  charged  for  that  a  quarter,  and  I  thought  it  was  a  great  skeme. 

It  was  a  simple  way  to  use  it,  my  directions  was  a  fake. 

One  girl  ehe  burnt  her  hair  off,  but  I  said  she  made  a  mistake ; 

A  bunch  one  day  near  lynched  me,  they  said  they'd  break  my  bones. 

When  friends  will  aak  how  they  got  bald,  they'll  say  through  Cohen. 

Chorus. 
Cohen,  Cohen,  Cohen,  I  wish  that  sucker  would  croak, 
Cohen,  Cohen,  Cohen,  that  was  a  yiddisher  joke, 
0  Cohen,  Cohen,  Cohen,  all  day  and  night  I  moan. 
And  now  I  wear  a  false  wig  account  of  that  Cohen,  Cohen,  Cohen. 

Next  week  I  got  a  saramons  to  come  and  see  the  judge. 

For  that  I  felt  so  shaky,  but  I  wouldn't  make  a  budge. 

The  clerk  soon  called  my  name  up,  Cohen  before  the  bar. 

He  says  now  you're  de  mug  that  ruined  these  people  like  they  are. 

He  says  that  I'm  a  swindler,  and  things  like  that  ain't  fair, 

I  answered  back,  karecene  on  a  head,  lit,  makes  light  hair. 

He  says  dots  right,  I  discharge  Cohen ;  then  I  had  them  bughoused  for 

And  they  got  their  monkeys  up  and  said  the  judge  ain't  fair.  l*^^'. 


GO  WAY  BACK  AND  SIT  DOWN 

Parody— by  Harry  J.  Breen. 

Old  Abe  Cohn  runs  and  owns  a  liquor  store  on  Christie  Street ; 
There's  a  guy  hangs  round  his  name  was  Michael  Brown,  he's  always 

looking  for  a  treat ; 
Now  Abe  knew  that  no  coin  he  blew  when  he  came  into  the  store, 
So  he  wrote  out  a  sign,  it  read  this  store  ain't  mine,  and  ke  hung  it  on 

the  door. 
About  six  o'clock  there  came  a  knock,  and  Michael  Brown  came  in, 
He  was  drunk  of  course,  and  he  asked  for  the  boss,  he  wanted  to  get 

some  gin.  [store. 

But  Abe,  he  cried,  the  boas  ain't  here,  beside  I  don't  know  who  owns  th« 
Mike  says  if  that's  true  it  don't  belong  to  you,  and  then  b^an  to  roar : 

Chorus.  .  .,■    • 

Go  way  back  and  sit  down, 

I'll  take  charge  when  the  boss  ain't  around, 

Abe  then  said  I  own  the  whole  store, 

Michael  just  showed  him  the  sign  on  the  door,  „.:     ''.[,':' 

And  said  go  way  back  and  sit  down. 

iiXTXTZE  MOOHB 

Parody— by  Harry  J.  Breen. 

f '    '  I  went  to  Brighton  Beach  in  a  big  trolley  car,  ' 

And.  oh,  what  a  bunch  I  met  there : 
I  stood  round  for  a  while  with  a  suit  in  my  hands. 

For  a  bathing  house  looked  everywhere. 
Then  I  knocked  at  a  door  I  had  not  knocked  at  before, 

When  a  fat  lady  yelled  "  go  away," 
She  gave  the  door  a  pull  and  said,  "  this  house  is  fall," 

And  then  in  a  sweet  voice  to  her  I  did  say : 

Chorus. 

Annie  Moore,  oh,  Annie  Moore,  ' 

Please  tell  me  won't  you  let  in  any  more? 

she  said,  I  can,  but  not  a  man,  •.  - 

There's  five  now  and  I  can't  let  in  any  more. 

Good-Bye   Dolly   Gray 

Parody— by  Harry  J.  Breen. 

I  once  courted  an  old  girl  named  Dolly  Gray, 

A  grass  widow  twice  now  she's  a  bale  of  hay ; 

When  married  she  took  off  her  hair, 

Put  her  false  teeth  on  a  chair. 

Then  her  cork  leg  she  threw  there,  did  Dolly  Gruy, 

Oh,  I  said,  there's  something  missing,  Dolly  Gray, 

You  are  here  with  me  but  still  vou  are  away. 

It  is  very  plain  to  see  that  you  have  been  false  to  919,         . - 

And  I  think  it's  time  to  fiee,  Dolly  Gray. 

CrtoRua 

Good-bye  Dollv  I  most  leave  yon,  though  it  breaks  my  heart  to  go. 
Something  tells  me  it  will  grieve  you  because  I  love  you  so: 
'Twas  all  right  when  you  took  out  your  teeth  and  your  hur  70a  throw 
But  that  cork  leg  was  the  finish,  goodbye  Dolly  Gray.  [away. 

One  day  my  darlir  •  wife  she  came  to  me. 

She  said  I  am  deaci  „  oke  it  is  plain  to  see. 

And  the  rent  is  dae  to  flay,  I  said  can't  we  move  away,  .    . 

We  have  got  no  dough  to  pay,  Dolly  Gray. 

Then  I  thought  of  her  cork  leg  and  to  her  quickly  said, 

Can't  we  sell  the  cork  and  stay  awhile  instead; 

I  thought  it  was  quite  a  trick 

She  would  have  no  chance  to  kick. 

But  she  proved  to  be  too  slick  did  Dolly  Gray. 

Chorus. 

Good-bye  Dolly  I  must  leave  you.  though  it  breaks  my  heart  to  go. 
Something  tells  me  I  am  needed  in  the  boarding  house  bjlow ; 
You  can  get  a  job  in  Dennet's  when  I  go  away. 
With  your  cork  leg  mash  potatoes,  good-bye  Dolly  Gray. 


BEN    BOLT 

Parody— by  Barney  Horan. 

Oh,  don't  you  remember  sweet  Alice  Ben  Bolt, 

Sweet  Alice  with  hair  so  red ; 
Who  would  smile  with  deUght  if  you  told  her  a  joke, 

And  for  fun  she  would  stand  on  her  head ; 
In  the  old  coal  yard  in  the  alley  Ben  Bolt, 

In  a  corner  she  stood  all  alone. 
With  a  smile  on  her  face  and  a  tear  in  her  eye. 

Now  sweet  Alice  lies  under  the  stone. 

Do  you  remember  the  day  when  she  first  went  to  school. 

Along  with  her  big  brother  Mike, 
And  the  teacher  says,  "Alice,  now  you  take  your  seat," 

And  she  say,  "  I'll  take  your  watch  before  night." 
Oh.  she  then  put  her  feet  on  the  top  of  the  desk. 

For  she  wore  very  large  two's, 
And  the  teacher  says,  "  Alice,  where  you  got  your  feet?  " 

And  she  answered,  "  Please,  ma'am  in  my  shoes." 

Doyou  remember  the  farm  in  the  country,  Ben  Bolt, 

Where  sweet  Alice  had  seen  better  days : 
And  she  rode  about  town  on  her  pneumatic  wheel. 

And  she  frightened  most  all  of  the  jays. 
She  used  to  keep  hens  and  she  used  to  keep  ducks, 

Well  she  fed  all  her  hens  on  cracked  ice,  • 
But  when  she  sold  the  eggs  at  ten  cents  a  dozeo, 

The  hens  would  not  lay  for  that  price. 


1  ^  ■■:  ■  :v 


^^   PARLOR    PASTIMES.   ^-^ 


EVENING    AMUSEMENT. 


LADIES'   COLUMN. 

Reqnest   a    gentleman  to   write  \ 
down  the  following  list:— 

Set  down  a  lady'r  name. 

Set  down  some  time  past. 

Write  the  name  of  a  place. 
,    Write  either :  ^es  or  no. 

Yes  or  no,  again. 

A  lady's  name. 

Some  time  to  come.  •  '  ■ 

-  Yes  or  no. 

Yes  or  no,  again. 

Some  color. 

Some  number,  between  4  and  10. 
'    Some  color. 

Yea  or  no. 

Some  number,  between  15  and  100 1 
.     A  lady's  name. 

A  gentleman's  name. 
:    Name  of  a  clergyman. 

A  sum  of  money. 

Name  of  a  place. 

Any  ntimber  at  all. 

Then  request  the  gentleman  to 
read  off  the  list  ho  liaa  written  in 
answer  to  the  following  questions 

Who  did  you  first  offer  to  marry?  ' 

When? 

In  what  place? 

Does  she  love  you? 

Did  you  love  her? 

Whom  will  you  marry? 

How  soon? 

Does  she  love  you? 

Do  you  love  her? 

What  is  the  color  of  her  hair? 

What  is  her  height? 

What  is  the  color  of  her  eyes? 

Is  she  pretty? 

What  is  her  age? 

Who  is  to  be  bridesmaid? 

Who  is  to  be  groomsman? 

What  clergyman  is  to  marry  you?  J 

How  much  is  she  worth? 

Where  will  you  re.side? 

How  many  servants  will  you  keep  ' 


GENTLEMEN'S   COLUMN. 

Request  a   lady  to  write   dovm 
the  following  list  :— 

Set  do^rn  a  gentleman's  name. 

Set  down  some  time  past. 

Write  the  namt^  of  a  place. 

Write  either :  yes  or  no. 

Yes  or  no  again. 

A  gentleman's  name. 

Some  time  to  come. 

Yes  or  nc. 

Yes  or  no  again. 

Some  color. 

Some  number,  between  4  and  10. 

Some  color. 

Yea  or  no. 

Some  number,  between  15  and  100 

A  lady's  name. 

A  gentleman's  name. 

Name  of  a  clergyman. 

A  sum  of  money. 

Name  of  a  place. 

Any  number  at  all. 

Then  request  the  lady  to  read  off 
[  the  list  she  has  written,  in  answer 
to  the  following  questions: — 

Who  first  made  you  an  offer? 

When? 

In  what  place? 

Does  he  love  you? 

Did  you  love  him? 

Whom  will  you  marry? 

How  soon? 

Does  he  love  you? 

Do  you  love  him? 

What  is  the  color  of  his  hair? 

What  is  his  height? 

What  is  the  color  of  his  eyes? 

Is  he  handsome? 

What  is  his  age? 

Who  is  to  be  bridesmaid? 

Who  is  to  be  groo.nsman? 

What  clergyman  is  to  marry  you? 

How  much  is  he  worth? 

Where  will  you  reside? 

How  many  servants  will  you  keep 

in* 


GO,    IF    YOU    CAN. 

You  tell  a  person  that  you  will  clasp  his  hands  together  in  such  a  man- 
ner that  he  snail  not  be  able  to  leave  the  room  without  unclasping  them, 
although  you  will  not  confine  his  feet,  or  bind  his  botly,  or  in  any  way 
oppose  his  exit. 

This  trick  is  performed  by  cla.sping  the  party's  hands  around  the 

£illar  of  a  large  circular  table,  ur  other  bulky  article  of  furniture,  too 
irge  for  him  to  drag  through  the  doorway. 

To  Tell  tho  Numbers  on  a  Pair  of  Dice. 

This  is  done  by  a  simple  arithmetical  process. 

Ask  some  one  to  throw  the  dice  without  your  seeing  them,  then  tell 
him  to  choose  one  of  the  numbers  and  multiply  it  by  two,  add  five  and 
multiply  this  number  by  five  and  add  the  number  on  the  remaining  die. 

On  tiis  telling  you  the  result  you  subtract  mentally  twenty-five  from 
the  number  he  has  obtained  and  the  remainder  will  be  two  figures  rep- 
resenting the  two  numbers  on  the  dice. 

Suppose  the  numbers  thrown  to  be  six,  three.  Six  multiplied  by  two 
would  be  twelve— with  five  addenl  make  seventeen,  multiplied  by  five  is 
eighty-five,  with  three  added  make  eighty-eight ;  from  this  take  twenty - 
five  and  it  gives  as  a  result  sixty-three— six,  three,  being  the  numbers 
thrown.  This  can  be  worked  with  the  same  result  if  the  person  throw- 
ing the  die  multiplies  the  three  instead  of  the  six,  the  result  in  that  case 
being  thirty-six  instead  of  sixty-three. 

A  Person  Having  an  Even  Number  of  Coin 
In  One  Hand,  and  an  Odd  Number  in  the 
Other,  to  Tell  in  Which  Hand  the 
Odd  or  Even  Number  Is.    r 

Yon  desire  the  person  to  multiply  the  number  in  his  right  hand  by  an 
odd  figure,  and  the  number  in  his  left  by  an  even  one ;  and  tell  you  if 
the  products,  added  together,  be  odd  or  even.    If  even,  the  even  num 
ber  is  in  the  right  hand ;  if  odd,  the  even  number  is  in  the  left.    For  in- 
{Stance: 


1.  Number  in  the  right  hand  is 

even         ...  ig 

Multiplied  by        •       •  8 

Product       •       •       64 


2.  Number  in  the  right  hand 
is  otld       -       -       -       7 
Multiplied  by       •       .         3 
Product       -       -         21 


In  the  left  hand  odd 
Multiplied  by 

Product 

Product  cf  both  hands 


7 

2 

14 

68 


In  the  left  hand  even    •  18 

Multiplied  by         •        -  2 

Product         •       -  36 

Product  of  both  hands  57 


Magic  Age  Table. 

/16 


2 
3 
6 

7 
10 
11 
14 
15 
18 
19 
22 
23 
26 
27 
30 
31 
34 
36 
38 
39 
■12 
■Hi 
46 
47 
50 
51 
54 
55 
58 
50 
62 
63. 


4 

5 
6 

7 
12 
18 
14 
15 
20 
21 
22 
23 
'28 
■29 
90 
31 

;« 

37 
38 
39 
44 
45 
46 
47 
52 
53 
54 
65 
60 
61 
62 
63 


8 

9 

10 

11 

12 
18 

14 
15 
24 
'& 
•26 
•27 
28 
2« 
;w 

31 
40 
41 
42 
43 
44 
45 
46 
47 
bH 
57 
58 
50 
6U 
61 
62 


17 
18 
19 
20 
21 
22 
23 
24 
25 
26 
•27 
28 
•20 
30 
31 
48 
49 
60 
51 
62 
53 
54 
55 
56 
h7 
58 
50 
60 
61 
62 
03 


32 
33 
34 
35 
36 
37 
38 
3J> 
40 
41 
42 
43 
44 
45 
46 
-4^ 
48 
49 
50 
51 
52 
.53 
.54 
55 
56 
57 
58 
59 
60 
61 
62 
63 


To  Find  a  Remainder. 

The  key  to  this  is  that  half  of  what- 
ever sum  yon  request  to  be  added 
during  the  working  of  the  sum  is  the 
remainder.  In  the  example  given  6 
is  the  half  of  ten,  the  number  request- 
ed to  be  added.  Any  amount  may  be 
added,  but  the  operation  is  siplifled  by 
giving  only  even  numbers,  as  they  will 
divide  without  fractions. 


EXAMPLE. 


Think  of 
Double  it 
Add  10  to  it 

Half  it 


7 
14 
10 

~12 
7 
5 


Key  to  Table.— Add  together 
the  figures  at  the  top  of  each 
column  in  which  the  age  is  found, 
and  the  sum  will  be  the  age 
sought.  EXA.MPLE— Hand  the  ta- 
ble to  a  lady  and  request  her  to 
tell  you  in  which  column  or  col- 
umns her  age  is  found ;  if  she 
says  the  first,  second  and  fifth, 
you  can  say  it  is  19  by  mentally 
adding  together  the  first  figures 
of  those  three  columns,  and  ao 
on  for  any  age  up  to  63. 


Which  will  leave 
.  Subtract  the  number  thought  of 
'  The  remainder  will  be       -  • 

FORTY-FIVE. 

How  can  forty-five  be  divided  into 
four  such  parts  that,  if  to  the  first 
part  you  add  2,  from  the  second  part 
you  subtract  2,  the  third  part  you 
multiply  by  2,  and  the  fourth  part 
you  divide  by  2,  the  sum  of  the  addi- 
tion, the  remainder  of  the  subtrac- 
tion, the  product  of  the  multiplica- 
tion, and  the  quotient  of  the  division 
be  ail  equal? 

The  1st  is  8 :  to  which  add  2—10 
The  2nd  is  12;  subtract  ^2— 10 
The  3rd  is  5;  multiplied  by  2—10 
The  4th  is  20 ;  dividid  by  2—10 

Subtract  45  from  45  and  leave  45  as 
a  remainder. 


9  8  7 
1  2  3 


6  5  4  3  2  1=45 
4  5  6  7  8  9  =  45 


86419753  2=45 


For  any  Books.  Novelties  or  Sheet  Music,  that  yon  may  see  advertised 
in  any  Song  Book  or  Catalogue,  send  direct  to  Wehman  Bros.,  126  Park 
Bow,  New  York.    Catalogues  sent  free  on  application. 


ADVANTAGEOUS   WACER. 

Request  a  lady  to  lend  you  a  watt:h.  E.xaniiiie  it,  and  give  a  gues.s  as? 
to  its  value ;  then  offer  to  lav  the  owner  a  wager,  considerably  below 
the  real  value  of  the  watch,  that  »he  Mrill  not  answer  to  three  qneetions 
which  you  will  put  to  her  consecutively :  "My  watch."  Show  her  the 
watch  and  say:  "What  is  this  which  I  hold  in  my  hand?"  she,  of 
course,  will  not  fail  to  reply :  "  My  watch."  Next  present  to  her  notice 
some  other  oblect,  repeating  the  same  que.stion.  If  she  name  the  object 
you  present,  sne  loses  the  wager ;  but  if  .she  be  on  her  guard,  and  re- 
membering her  stake,  she  says:  "  My  watch."  she  must,  of  course,  win; 
and  you,  therefore,  to  divert  her  attention,  should  observe  to  her :  "  Vou  ' 
are  certain  to  win  the  stake,  but  supposing  I  lose,  what  will  you  give 
me?"  and  if,  confident  of  success,  she  replies  for  the  third  time:  "My 
watch,"  then  take  it,  and  leave  her  the  wager  agreed  on. 

THE    MAGIC   SQUARES. 

Lay  seventeen  pieces  of  wood  Oucifer  mutches  will  answer  the  pur- 
pose) as  in  Fig  1.  t 

The  puzzle  you  propose  is — to  remove  only  five  matches  and  yet  have 
no  more  than  three  [Ksrfect  squares  of  the  .same  size  remaining.  This 
apparent  impossibility  is  rendered  easy  by  removing  the  two  upper  cor- 
ners on  each  side  and  the  center  line  below,  wh'  n  the  three  squares  will 
appear  as  in  Fig  2. 


•■  <-.» 


*.. 


Figl. 


Fig  2. 


IS   IT   POSSIBLE? 

Side  by  side  place  three  pieces  of  anything,  (money  is  the  most  con- 
venient,) then  take  away  the  middle  pitjce  without  touching  it. 

By  removing  the  right  hand  piece  to  the  side  of  the  left,  you  thus  take 
away  the  center  without  touching  it. 

DOUBLE    MEANING. 

Place  a  glass  of  any  liquor  upon  the  table,  put  a  hat  over  it,  and  say: 
"  I  will  engage  to  drink  the  liquor  under  that  hat,  and  yet  I'll  not  touch 
the  hat."*You  then  get  under  the  table,  and  after  giving  thre«  knocks, 
vou  make  a  noise  with  your  mouth  as  if  you  were  swallowing  the  hquor. 
^en  getting  from  under  the  table,  you  say:  "Now,  gentlemen,  be 
pleased  to  look."  Some  one,  eager  to  see  if  you  drank  the  liquor,  will 
raise  the  hat,  when  you  instantly  take  the  gmss,  and  drink  the  contents, 
saying :  '•  Gentlemen,  I  have  fulfilled  my  promise,  you  are  all  witnwaea 
that  1  did  not  tovich  the  bat." 


The  Harp  that  Once  tliro'  Tara's  Ball 

Th*-  harp  that  once  thro'  Tara's  halls  the  soul  of  music  shed. 

Now  hangs  hs  luute  on  Tara's  walls,  as  if  that  soul  were  fled.  "•'',/■  .-.  ' 

S«)  sleeps  the  pride  of  former  days,  so  glory's  thrill  iso'er, 

And  hearts  that  once  beat  high  for  praise  now  feel  that  pulse  no  more. 

Ni)  more  to  chiefs  and  ladies  bright  the  harp  of  Tara  swells; 
The  chord  alone,  that  breaks  at  night,  its  tale  of  ruin  tells. 
Tims  freedom  now  but  seldom  wakes;  the  only  throb  she  gives 
Is  when  some  heart  indignant  breaks,  to  show  that  still  she  lives. 

Meet  Me  by  Moonlight  Alone 

Mer t  me  by  moonlight  alone,  and  then  I  will  tell  you  a  tale 

Must  be  told  by  the  moonlight  alone,  in  the  grove  at  the  end  of  the  vale. 

You  must  promise  to  come,  for  I  said  I  would  show  the  night-flowers 

their  queen— 
Nay,  turn  not  away  thy  sweet  head,  'tis  the  loveliest  ever  was  seen. 
Oh  I  meet  me  by  moonlight  alone,  meet  me  by  moonlight  alone. 

Daylight  may  do  for  the  gay,  the  thoughtless,  the  heartless,  the  free ; 
but  there's  something  about  the  moon's  ray,  that  is  sweeter  to  you  and 

to  me. 
Oh  I  remember  be  sure  to  be  there,  for  though  dearly  a  moonlight  I  prize, 
I  care  not  for  all  in  the  air,  if  I  want  the  sweet  light  of  your  eyes. 
So  meet  me  by  moonlight  alone,  meet  me  by  moonlight  alone. 

I  Dreamt  that  I  Dwelt  in  Marble  Halls 

I  dreamt  that  I  dwelt  in  marble  halls,  with  vassals  and  serfs  by  my  side. 

And  of  all  who  assembled  within  those  walls 

That  I  was  the  hojye  and  the  pride. 
I  had  riches  too  great  to  count — could  boast  of  a  high  ancestral  name ; 

And  1  al.so  dreamt,  which  charmed  me  most, 

That  you  loved  me  still  the  same; 
That  you  loved  me  still  the  same,  that  you  loved  me  still  the  same. 

1  dreamt  that  suitors  besought  my  hand ;  that  knights,  on  bended  knee. 
And  with  vows  no  maiden  heart  could  withstand,- 
They  pledged  their  faith  to  me.  * 

And  I  dreamt  that  one  of  that  noble  host  came  forth  my  hand  tO  claim ; 
And  I  also  dreamt,  which  charmed  me  most, 
That  you  loved  me  still  the  same ; 

That  you  loved  me  still  the  same,  that  you  loved  me  still  the  same. 

SLLa   ZvHaa 

Oh!  Ella  Rhee,  so  kind  and  true,  in  the  little  churchyard  lies— 
Her  grave  is  bright  with  drops  of  dew,  but  brighter  were  her  eyes- 
Then  carry  me  b«ck  to  Tennes.see,  there  let  me  live  and  die, 
Among  the  fields  of  yellow  corn,  and  the  land  where  Ella  lie., 

CHORtJS. 
Then  carry  me  back  to  Tennessee,  there  let  me  live  and  die, 
Among  the  fields  of  yellow  corn,  and  the  land  where  Ella  lie. 

Her  pretty  eyes  and  gentle  form,  methinks  I  yet  can  see; 
I  love  the  spKJt  wh  ?re  .she  was  born,  'way  down  in  Tennessee, 
Then  carry  me  back  to  Tennessee,  there  let  me  live  and  die. 
Among  the  fields  of  yellow  corn,  and  the  land  where  Ella  lie. 

The  Summer  sun  will  rise  and  set,  and  the  night-birds  thrill  their  lay, 
And  the  possum  and  coon  so  softly  step  round  the  grave  of  Ella  Rhee. 
Then  carry  nie  back  to  Tennes-see,  there  let  me  live  and  die, 
Among  the  fields  of  yellow  corn,  and  the  land  where  Ella  lie. 

THE  aiFSY'S  WARNZlTa 

Trust  him  not,  O  gentle  lady,  though  his  voice  be  low  and  sweet- 
Heed  not  him  who  kneels  before  thee,  softly  pleading  at  thy  feet ; 
Now  thy  life  is  in  its  morning :  cloud  not  this  thy  happy  lot, 
Li.sven  to  the  gipsy's  warning— gentle  lady,  trust  him  not.  -,  "*    - 

Lady,  once  there  lived  a  maiden,  young  and  pure,  and  like  the  fair ; 
Yet  "he  wooed,  he  wooed  and  won  her,  thrilled  her  gentle  heart  with  care, 
Then— he  heeded  not  her  weeping— he  cared  not  her  life  to  save  I 
Soon  she  perished— now  she's  sleeping  in  the  cold  and  silent  gravel 

Lady,  turn  not  from  me  so  coldly,  for  I  have  onlv  the  truth— 
From  a  stern  and  withering  sorrow,  lau'y,  I  would  shield  thy  youth  ; 
I  would  shield  thee  from  all  danger,  shield  thee  from  the  tempter's  snare ; 
Lady,  shun  the  dark-eyed  stranger— I  have  warned  thee,  now,  beware! 

Take  your  gold— I  do  not  want  it :  lady,  1  have  prayed  for  this— 
For  the  hour  that  I  might  foil  him,  and  rob  him  of  expected  bliss. 
Aye,  I  see  thou  art  filled  with  wonder,  at  my  looks  so  fierce  and  wild^ 
Lafiy,  in  the  church  yard  yonder,  sleeps  the  gip.sy's  only  child. 

MART  OF  THE  WILD  KOOB. 

It  was  on  one  cold  Winter's  night,  as  the  wind  blew  across  the  wild  moor. 
When  Mary  came  wandering  home  with  her  babe, 
Till  she  came  to  her  own  father's  door ; 

■■  i  >h,  father  1  dear  father!  she  cried,  "  come  down  and  open  the  door. 
Or  the  child  in  my  arms  will  periab  and  die, 

■.    'I       By  the  wind  that  blows  across  the  wild  moor." 

"Oh,  why  did  I  leave  this  dear  spot,  where  once  I  was  happy  and  free? 

But  now  doomed  to  roam,  without  friends  or  home, 

And  no  one  to  take  pity  on  me!  " 
The  old  man  was  deaf  to  her  cnes,  not  a  sound  of  her  voice  reached  his  ear. 

But  the  watch  dog  did  howl !  and  the  village  bell  toU'd, 
'  >' .  And  the  wind  blew  across  the  wild  moor. 

But  how  must  the  old  man  have  felt  when  he  came  to  the  door  in  the 

Poor  Mary  was  dead,  but  the  child  was  alive,  [morn  I 

Closely  pressed  in  its  dead  mother's  arms.  [did  pour, 

Half  frantic  he  tore  his  gray  hair,  and  the  tears  down  his  cheeks  they 
Saying,  "  This  cold  Winter's  night,  she  perished  and  died 

V-  By  the  wind  that  blew  across  the  wild  moor." 

The  old  man  in  grief  pined  away,  and  the  child  to  its  mother  went  soon. 
And  no  one,  they  say,  has  lived  there  to  this  day. 
And  the  cottage  to  ruin  has  gone. 

The  villagers  point  out  the  spot  where  the  willows  droop  over  the  door, 
f^     Saying,  "  There  Mary  died,  once  a  gay  village  bnde. 

By  the  wind  that  blew  across  the  wild  moor."     ■;-:...     • 


YOU'LL  REiyrRMBEB  US 

When  other  lips  and  other  hearts  their  tales  of  love  shall  tell,        ._. 
In  language  whose  excess  imparts  th^  power  they  feel  so  well,  ;.  .'v'  '';,■■ 
There  may,  perhaps,  in  such  a  scene,  some  recollection  be  .■.•;-■  " 

Of  days  that  have  as  happy  been,  and  you'll  remember  me —      .•'  -  J  -' ""   • 
And  you'll  remember,  you'll  remember  me. 

When  coldness  or  deceit  shall  slight  the  beauty  now  they  prize,       *^ ' 
And  deem  it  but  a  faded  light  which  beams  within  your  eyes ; 
When  hollow  hearts  shall  wear  a  mask  'twill  break  your  own  to  see, 
In  such  a  moment  I  but  ask  that  you'll  remember  me — 
That  you'll  remember,  you'll  remember  me. 

HEAZbT  BOWED  DOWN 

The  heart  bowed  down  by  weight  of  woe,  to  weakest  hopes  will  chng ; 

To  thought  and  impulse  while  they  flow,  that  can  no  comfort  bring. 

That  can,  that  can  no  comfort  bring. 

With  those  exciting  scenes  will  blend,  o'er  pleasure's  patthway  thrown, 

But  memory  is  the  only  friend  that  grief  can  call  its  own ; 

That  grief  can  call  its  own,  that  grief  can  call  its  own. 

The  mind  will,  in  its  worst  despair,  still  ponder  o'er  the  past. 

On  moments  of  delight  that  were  too  beautiful  to  last ; 

That  were  too  beautiful,  too  beautifuMo  last. 

To  long  departed  years  extend,  its  visions  with  them  flown,  '  ' ;  ' ' 

For  memory  is  the  only  friend  that  grief  can  call  its  own :      .J 

That  grief  can  call  its  own,  that  grief  can  call  its  own. 


EITTT  WELLS 


You  ask  what  maktt  this  darkey  weep,  why  he  like  others  am  not  gay ; 
What  makes  the  tear  flow  down  his  cneek,  from  early  morn  till  close  of 
My  story,  darkies,  you  shall  bear,  for  in  my  memory  fresh  it  dwellsjday 
'Twill  cause  you  all  to  drop  a  tear  on  the  grave  of  my  sweet  Kitty  'WellB. 

;  Chorus. 

'        '-.  V:     While  the  birds  were  singing  in  the  morning,         ."  ,    .  : 
And  the  myrtle  and  the  ivy  were  in  bloom. 
And  the  sun  on  the  hill  was  a-dawning. 
It  was  then  we  laid  her  in  the  tomb.  "  \ 

I  never  shall  forget  the  day  that  we  together  roamed  the  delb;, 
I  kissed  her  cheek  and  named  the  day  that  1  should  marry  Kitty  Wells ; 
But  death  came  in  my  cabin  door,  and  took  from  me  my  joy  and  pride; 
And  when  1  found  she  was  no  more,  then  I  laid  my  banjo  down  and  cried. 

I  often  wish  that  I  was  dead  and  laid  beside  her  in  the  tomb ; 

The  sorrow  that  bows  down  my  he^id  is  silent  in  the  midnight  gloom  ; 

The  Spring-time  has  no  charms  for  me,  tho'  flowers  are  blooming  in  the 

dells. 
For  that  bright  form  I  do  not  see,  'tis  the  form  of  my  sweet  Kitty  Wells. 

SALLY  nr  OUR  ALLEY 

Of  all  the  girls  that  are  so  smart,  there's  none  I  love  but  Sally ; 

She  is  the  darling  of  my  heart,  and  she  lives  in  our  alley. 

There's  not  a  lady  in  the  land  that's  half  so  sweet  as  Sally ; 

She  is  the  darling  of  my  heart,  and  she  lives  in  our  alley.  '     '■ 

Her  father  makes  cabbage  nets,  and  thro'  the  streets  doth  cry  'em ; 
Her  mother  she  sells  laces  long  to  such  as  please  to  buy  'em. 
But  sure  such  folks  could  never  own  so  sweet  a  girl  as  Sally ;     . 
She  is  the  darling  of  my  heart, .and  she  lives  in  our  alley. 

When  she  is  by,  I  leave  my  work,  I  love  her  so  sincerely ; 

My  master  comes  like  any  Turk,  and  bangs  me  most  severely.    " 

But  let  him  bang  his  belly  full,  I'll  b<'ar  it  all  for  Sally  ; 

she  is  the  darling  of  ;ny  heart,  and  she  lives  in  our  alley. 

Of  all  the  days  that's  in  the  week  I  dearly  love  but  one  day. 
And  that's  the  day  that  comes  between  Saturday  and  Monday.    ) 
For  then  I'm  drest  all  in  my  best,  to  walk  abroad  with  Sally ; 
She  is  the  darling  of  my  heart,  and  she  lives  in  our  alley. 

My  master  carries  me  to  church,  and  often  I  get  blamed. 
Because  I  leave  him  in  the  lurch  as  soon  as  the  text  is  named. 
I  leave  the  church  in  sermon  time,  to  walk  abroad  with  Sally  ; 
She  is  the  darling  of  my  heart,  and  she  lives  in  our  alley. 

When  Christmas  comes  about  again,  oh!  then  I  shall  have  money; 
I'll  hoard  it  up,  and  box  and  all,  and  give  it  to  my  honey. 
And  would  it  were  ten  thousand  dollars.  I'd  give  it  all  to  Sally ; 
She  is  the  darling  of  my  heart,  and  she  lives  in  our  alley. 

My  master  and  the  neighbors  all,  make  game  of  me  and  Sally ; 
And  but  for  her  I'd  rather  be  a  slave,  and  row  a  galley. 
But  when  my  seven  long  years  are  out,  oh !  then  I'll  marry  Sally  ; 
Oh!  then  we'll  wed,  and  then  we'd  bed,  but  not  in  our  alley. 

Z  SAD  BT7T  FIFTY  CENTS 

I  took  my  girl  to  a  fancy  ball— it  was  a  social  hop. 

But  we  stayed  imtil  the  folks  went  out,  and  the  music  it  did  stop  ; 

Then  to  a  restaurant  we  went— the  Ijest  ont;  in  the  street ; 

She  said  she  wasn't  hungry,  but  this  is  what  she  eat :  _^ 

A  dozen  raw,  a  plate  of  slaw,  a  chicken  and  a  roast ;  '^ 

Some  sparrow  grass  and  apple  sass,  and  soft-shell  crabs  on  toast ; 

A  big  box-stew,  and  crackers,  too,  her  appetite  was  immense.  ^ 

When  she  called  for  pie,  I  thought  I'd  die,  for  I  had  but  flfty  cents.   ' 

She  said  she  wasn't  hungry — she  didn't  care  to  eat ; 

Now  I've  got  money  in  my  clothes  to  bet  she  can't  be  beat ; 

She  took  it  in  so  cosy,  she  had  an  awful  tank. 

She  said  she  wasn't  thirsty,  but  this  is  what  she  drank : 

A  whiskey  skin,  a  glass  of  gin — it  made  me  shake  w^ith  fear ; 

Some  ginger  pop,  with  rum  on  top,  a  schooner,  then,  of  beer; 

A  glass  of  ale,  a  gin  cock-tail,  she  ought  to  have  had  more  sense. 

When  she  called  for  more,  I  fell  on  the  floor,  for  I  had  but  fifty  cents. 

You  bet  I  wasn't  hungry— I  didn't  care  to  eat. 

Expecting  every  moment  to  be  kicked  out  in  the  street;        v  •    •   . 

she  said  she'd  bring  her  family  round  some  day,  and  we'd  have  ftw. 

Then  I  gave  the  man  the  fifty  cents,  and  this  is  what  he  done : 

He  tore  my  clothes,  he  mashed  my  nose,  he  hit  me  in  the  jaw : 

He  gave  me  a  prize  of  a  pair  of  black  eyes,  and  with  me  swept  the  floor ; 

He  took  me  wnere  my  clothes  hung  loose,  and  threw  me  over  a  fence. 

Take  my  advice,  don't  try  it  twice,  when  you've  got  but  fifty  c«int9. 


:^i 


TOM  100  HIYE  DONE  ME  I  fIfOR 

Copyngbt,  1896,  by  Howley,  HaylUnd  *  Co.     Eogllab  Copyngbt  Mcured. 
"Wordi  and  Mualc  by  Harry  Von  Ttlier. 

A  cozy  little  p«rlor,  a  maiden  yoang  and  fair, 

Harry  and  Tom,  two  loving  pale,  each  nlgbt  you'd  And  them  there. 
They  both  loved  her  dearly,  and  said  that  her  love  they  would  tent ; 
BfaeDlaabedas  she  glanced  apat  Harry,  when  he  asked  her  which  she  lored  beflt. 
Poor  Tom  read  her  anHwer  and  raurmared.  "  Old  pal,  I  am  eoini;  away, 
I  give  her  np,  and  I  wish  yea  much  joy,"  then  Harry  did  aoBwer  and  aaj  : 

Rkfraim. 

**  Tom,  yon  kaTe  done  me  a  favor,  a  favor  I'll  never  forjret ; 

I  know  that  you  love  her  dearly,  too  Bud  that  you  ever  met. 

We  have  been  friends,  Tom,  Miuce  childhood,  this  action  yon'il  never  regret, 

Tom,  yoD  have  done  me  a  favor,  a  favor  I'll  never  forget." 

A  coEy  little  bomextead,  a  coaple  sitting  there  ; 

Harry  and  May,  now  man  and  wife,  a  moot  unhappy  pair. 

Tears  have  pimsed  and  quarrels  they  have  ev'ry  night  by  the  score —   ' 

Oft  be  has  wished  he  was  single,  he  longed  for  thoce  days  of  yore. 

One  day  coming  home  from  his  business  a  note  on  the  table  lay,  [say. 

UtMMl"Pray  forgive  me,  I've  ran  off  with  Tom,"  then  Harry  did  mnrmor  and 

Rkfrain. 
"Tom,  yon  have  done  me  a  favor,  a  favor  I'll  never  forget, 
fak&her,  old  pal,  you  are  welcome,  oh,  yon'il  have  yonr  troublea  yet, 
411  is  not  gold,  Tom,  that  elitters,  this  action  you'll  surely  regret, 
StIU,  yon  nave  done  me  a  favor,  a  tsvor  I'll  never  fonret."' 

MY  BLACK  SAPHO 

OopTTight,  1900,  by  Hofman-Edwards  Muaio  Ca 
Words  and  Music  by  Chas.  Edwards. 

I  lava  a  colored  lady,  and  her  name  is  Sapho  Brown, 

To  me  she  am  de  only  gal  in  town  : 
And  aottn  I  will  propose  to  dis  du.'tky  colored  rose, 

Ver  aha  has  my  heart  turned  ruun'. 
|fo«r  aext  Sunday  night  I  will  dres.s  just  out  of  aight, 

Aad  to  her  honable  nome  I  will  go ; 
fH  aak  her  for  her  hand  but  I  don  t  know  how  I'll  land. 

Theee  words  I'll  My  to  black  Sapho : 

Chorus. 

If  a  own  black  Sapho,  I  love  Ton  so, 
Ma  heart  ia  aching  for  you,  I  know ; 
Oh,  be  my  wife  do,  and  whisper  low, 
Just  aay  you  love  me,  ma  black  Sapho. 

When  I  called  she  said  she  loved  me,  oh,  what  joy  dem  words  did  brlaf , 

With  arms  aroun'  ma  neck  did  fondly  cling ; 
That  wav  we  both  did  Unger,  I  placed  upon  her  finger 

A  dandy  little  diamond  ring ' 
I  will  send  out  invitations  to  all  of  our  relations, 

And  every  other  coon  I  know ; 
When  the  wedding  bells  will  chime,  and  de  parson  aays  she's  miat^ 

These  worda  I'll  aay  to  ma  Sapho:— Chorus. 


BY  THE  UKES  OF  KILLARNEY 

Copyright.  1898,  by  E.  T.  Paull. 
Words  and  Music  by  Annle'B.  O'Shea. 
Althongh  far  away  from  the  land  I  love  dearly, 

Mv  neart  is  still  f .ee  from  all  sorrow  and  care. 
For  I  know  of  a  lass  there,  who  loves  me  sincerely. 

And  she  is  the  ono  who  my  bounty  will  share, 
A  fair  summer  eve  by  the  Lakes  of  Killamey, 

I  asked  her  to  be  my  own  dear  little  bride. 
And  when  I  had  told  ber  my  words  were  no  blarney. 

She  promised  so  sweetly  with  me  to  abide. 

Chorus. 
The  girl  I  shall  marry  lives  in  County  Kerry. 
Bhe's  the  sweetest  and  comeliest  lass  in  the  land, 
And  I  long  to  tarry  with  my  little  Mary, 
Fore'er  by  the  Lakes  of  Killamey. 

At  night  when  asleep  of  my  lass  I  am  dreaming, 

In  daytime  my  thoughts  arc  of  her  while  at  toll. 
For  I  know  that  two  eyes  for  me  only  are  beaming 

Across  the  wide  o<-eun  on  old  Ireland's  soil, 
Snre  why  should  my  heart  then  be  troubled  with  sadness, 

I  know  that  my  own  little  lassie  's  true. 
While  fond  expectations  still  All  me  with  gladness. 

And  soften  my  labor  like  sweet  morning  dew.— CAortM 

Sing/oUowing  qfter  Chorut  of  id  ver»e. 

By  KiUamey's  lakes  and  fells, 
Km'rald  isles,  and  winding  bays. 
Mountain  paths,  and  woodland  dells. 
Ever  fair  Killamey. 

THE  AMERICAN  VOLUNTEERS 

CopynghtUm,  by  T.  J.  TUCKER.     Worda  and  Music  by  TOM  TUCKER 

Band.s  are  playing  swe«tly,  and  flags  are  flying  gay. 
The  American  Volunteers,  brave  boys,  an*  turning  out  to-day : 
With  h««d  erect,  in  martial  tread,  the  people  greet  with  cheers 
Onr  gallant  soldier  boy»  in  blue,  the  American  Volunteers. 

Refrain. 
soldiers  all,  at  country's  call,  where'er  the  foe  appears, 
They'll  fight  for  freedom,  one  and  all,  the  American  Volunteers. 

Chorus. 
Hlght  face!  shoulder  arms!  steady  on  the  right! 
the  people  know  they'll  do  their  best  when  they  go  forth  to  fight ; 
.Lieft  wheel,  carry  arms!  they  have  got  no  fears, 

But  will  alwayH  gain  the  day,  the  American  Volunteers.    Repeat  Cho. 
America's  sons  are  brave  and  true,  and  when  their  duty  comes, 
Respond  at  once  to  fall  in  line  behind  the  fifes  and  drums ; 
With  banners  waving  in  the  air,  now  this  is  what  one  hears: 
ij^i,  see  the  t'allant  soldier  boys,  the  American  Volunteers.— Rer.  A  Cho. 


Tell  Me  Honey,  Do 

Copyright,  1898,  by  A.  W.  Tami,  109  W.  28th  St.,  N.  T.    EBgllsta  Copyright  Secure*. 
Words  by  Dan  Packard.   Moslo  by  Andrew  Le  Roc. 

Way  down  in  Alabama  'mong'st  the  sugar  cane  and  com,     '        i         .  ■ : 
There  lives  a  little  yellow  gal,  the  sweetest  ever  bom.  ; 

And  when  the  birds  have  gone  to  sleep  and  crickets  chirp  their  lay. 
To  the  mnaic  of  the  banjo  you  will  hear  a  darkey  say. 

RKFBAni. 

Do  yon  love  me  honey  much  as  I  do  you. 
..  Just  tell  me  that  yon  love  me  with  your  whole  heart  true, 
I  want  you  for  my  miseee,  now  don't  yoa  like  my  kisaea. 

Tell  me  honey  do. 
I  love  yon  sincerely,  yes  indeed  I  do. 
Much  more  than  any  yellow  gal  I  ever  knew  ,  . 

With  love  I  am  afire,  am  I  your  heart's  desire  t 
Tell  me  honey  do. 
Down  on  the  eld  plantation,  when  the  cotton  is  fn  bloom, 
The  pure  magnolia  blossoms  give  the  air  a  sweet  perfume. 
When  melouH  are  the  sweetest  then  the  darkies  always  "spoon," 
They  are  tasting  sweetest  honey  when  they  sing  this  kind  of  taxut.—Rtf. 

DO    NOT  FORSAKE    HER. 

Copyright,  1898,  by  Howley,  Havlland  ft  Co.    English  Copyright  secvred. 
Words  and  Music  by  Will  A.  Heelan. 

Within  a  gilded  mansion  on  a  stormy  winter's  night. 

An  angry  father  faced  his  loving  son. 
"  Your  name  you  have  disgraced,"  fie  cried,  "  forever  leave  my  sight. 

Lead  on  the  reckless  lire  you  have  begun." 
"  I'll  go,"  the  lad  cried,  "  far  away,  forget  her  and  the  past ; 

Forget  your  boy  and  monm  for  him  as  dead !  " 
Then  his  gentle  loving  mother  rose,  her  sad  tears  falling  fast. 

As  she  pressed  his  hand  appealingly  she  said  : 

Chorus. 
"  Do  not  forsake  her,  but  right  her  the  wrong  you've  done. 
Wed  her  and  take  her  'neath  a  distant  sun. 
Where  the  brand  of  her  folly  will  fade  from  her  fair  young  brow. 
Only  think  of  the  love  that  she  bears  you,  my  boy,  and  do  not  forsake  her  DOWT' 
Upon  the  snow  clad  stoop  there  crept  a  maiden  young  and  fair. 

Her  white  lips  breathed  a  plea  to  Him  above'.  • 

"  He  has  weariea  of  bis  toy,"  she  cried,  "  Oh  I  Heaven,  hear  my  prayer. 

Forgive  my  sin,  'twas  for  the  man  I  lovel  " 
Herpistol  gleamed  a  blinding  flash  !  the  door  swung  open  wide ; 

"rbey  gazed  as  calm  and  sweet  in  death  she  lay. 
As  he  sunk  beside  her  lifeless  form,  the  lad  in  anguish  cried, 
"'THdor-  •""-       •    ' '-'nrd  yonr  mother  say:"— CAorw. 

Would  You  ?  Well,  in  a  Minuu 

Copyrtfftat,  1898,  by  E.  T.  Paull. 
Words  and  Mualc  by  Harry  8.  Miller. 
If  yoti  met  a  pretty  girl,  one  that  set  your  head  awhlrl. 

Wouldn't  you  do  your  very  best  to  win  it  T 
If  she'd  slyly  pass  you  by,  wink  her  roguish  little  eye. 
Would  you  i  well,  in  a  minute. 

Chorus. 

Tea,  yon  would.  Meed  yon  would  do  'most  anything  yoB  ooold, 

Just  to  say  the  little  thing  was  really  yours; 

Wouldn't  yon  T  yes.  you  would,  'deed  you  would. 

Don't  tell  me,  I  know  yon  would,  |  . 

Just  to  say  that  she  were  only  yours,  yon  know.  .    {• 

If  you  knew  a  little  Miss,  one  that's  never  had  a  klaa. 

One  of  the  kind  that  wonders  what  is  in  It; 
If  she  came  to  you,  sav  now,  kind  of,  well— I  don't  know  how. 

Would  you  f  well,  in  a  miuvkUs.—Chonu. 
IS  a  widow  young  and  sweet  met  you  smiling  on  the  street. 

And  says  to  vou,  how  glad— and  then  to  dim  it. 
Begs  yonr  pardon,  a  mistake,  but,  of  course,  you're  wide  awaln 

Would  yon  ?  well,  in  a  minute.- CAotm. 

When  a  maiden,  indiscreet,  starts  to  cross  a  muddy  street. 

Really  her  skirts  she  raises  to  begin  it; 
And  she  stands  just  where  she's  at,  kind  of,  I  don't  cue  s  nn, 

Would  you  f  well.  In  a  minute.— CAorti«.  j 

X    Kow  I'm  not  a  selfish  elf,  if  I  do  say  so  myself,  '  * 

Dearly  I  love  the  boys  that's  really  in  It; 
And  there's  lots  of  them  for  fair,  should  I  aay  to  him  down  then 

Would  you  r  well,  in  a  minute.  —  CAortM. 


I- 


^ 


THERE  IS  LOVE  IN  NT  HEART 

TET    FOR  YOU  , 

Copyright,  1898,  by  Chas.  Coleman. 
Words  by  Russel  Fox.    Mvwic  by  R.  J.  Morris. 

A  woman  8topp€(d  one  evening  at  a  little  cottage  door, 

tt  was  the  one  that  she  had  left  just  one  short  year  before. 

She  camt?  to  ask  forgivincss  from  the  husband  she  had  wronged 

To  see  her  child  and  honif  again  tht;  erring  mother  longed. 

The  door  it  soon  was  oix'ned,  and  thc^  husband  recognizt^. 

Tlie  woman  as  his  faithless  wife  he  had  so  dearly  prized. 

"  Can  you  forgive  me.  Jack,"  she  said,  "  the'  I  astray  was  led," 

And  while  the  tears  rolled  down  her  cheeks,  her  husband  gently  said: 

Chorus. 

There  is  love  in  my  heart  yet  for  you. 
Though  to  me  you  have  not  been  true ; 
I  love  you  yet,  and  the  past  I'll  forget. 
For  there  is  love  in  my  heart  yet  for  you. 

Their  home  it  wa.s  so  happy  till  to  her  temptation  came, 

And  then  h»>r  honore<l  life  was  change<l  to  one  of  sin  and  shame. 

Another  with  fal.se  pronii.-'es  p<-rsuaded  her  one  day 

To  leave  her  humble  cottage  home  for  city  pleasures  gay. 

But  all  things  are  not  as  they  seem,  she  soon  had  cau.se  to  rue, 

AJid  vowed  she'd  seek  forgivinesa  from  her  husband  kind  and  true; 

So  back  to  home,  sweet  home,  and  to  the  man  that  she  had  wed, 

She  came  to  ask  forgiveness,  and  to  her  these  words  he  said : — Cho 


:1 

I 

4 


■if- 


THE  ONLY  WAY  TO  HAPPINESS 

CopTiight,  1899,  hj  Aacher,  Schott  A  Bowaky.    Boyal  MaMo  Co. 

• . . :  >  J ,.;.  ■;.    Words  by  H.  Williams.    Music  by  Bmil  Ascher. 
English  Copyright  Secured. 

Beside  her  dear  old  mother  a  fair-haired  maiden  stood, 
She  knew  there  was  no  other  to  guide  her  as  she  would ; 
-'     Bhe  took  her  mother's  hand  and  then  Icnelt  sadly  by  her  side, 
.     To  tell  an  old,  old  tale  again,  she  stood  twix  love  and  pride.         i 
_ ':    Two  rivals  sought  to  win  her  hand,  one  offered  love  alone,      '■[.  w-.  -  .i-. 
v'    The  other  wealth  and  riches  grand,  if  she  would  be  his  own ; 

Cttie  loved  the  lad  who  had  no  gold,  now  which  one  should  she  wed 
Tti«a,  when  the  maiden's  tale  was  told,  her  mother  softly  said: 

.:';::  t''''  i^-"-  S--\  /::'■''}''■'■■''■  ^:-^:       Chorus.      /'■  -.;-•:'.;  '-/'■':'''_  ;■  v'-- ■■■■'■''^ 
VIM  Olity  way  to  happlnea  is  that  where  true  loTe  lies, 
^nie  heart  that's  sold  for  shininc:  gold  for  freedom  always  sighs. 
Bat  lore's  fair  lisht,  so  dear  and  brisht,  will  eoide  you  aright,  I  know 
nie  only  way  to  nappiness  is  that  where  the  love  lights  glow. 

.     The  twilight  shades  are  stealing  and  shadows  fall  around, 
■'•■'   A  man  and  woman  kneeling  beside  a  lonely  mound,  •.-.-••> 

,  .%    Upon  the  woman's  gentle  face  there  lies  a  silent  tear. 

For  on  the  tombstone  there  ther  trace  the  sad  words  "  Mother  dear'" 
Her  thoughts  revert  to  times  of  old,  when  on  that  day  long  i>ast, 
Bhe  stood  between  true  love  and  gold,  and  love  had  won  at  last ; 
> .    She  whispered  "  Jack,  since  we  were  wed  no  truer  wordu  I  know, 
;'   Than  those,  that  she,  who  sleeps  here  said,  to  me  so  long  ago.— Cm* 


Tell  Me  That  You  Love  Me,  Like  Yot 
.     Used  to  Do. 

CopyrliJit,  18K,  by  Howler,  UarllsDd  &  Co.    English  Copyright  Beaiiieft 
By  Harry  S.  Miller  ft  Emily  Smith. 
What  makes  voa  turn  away  so  cold.  Sue, 
Tell  me  while  de  stars  shine  bright  abiTB,  --    '  / 

'_   ,     .  Ton  never  acted  BO  in  dayfl  of  old,  Sue,  :.:'.'-;; 

When  your  little  heart  was  warm  with  love. 
I  saved  up  all  de  money  dat  I  could,  Sue, 

Sr'non^h  to  buy  a  little  cabin  home. 
Ton  can  make  dat  cabin  gleam  if  youMl  only  be  its  qaeen 
Oh,  listen  while  I  aing  to  yon  alone. 
Chobtjs. 
Sae,  Sue,  won't  you  tell  me  true. 

Tell  me  that  you  love  me,  like  yon  used  to  do. 
Oh,  Sue,  come  do, 

Fo'  ma  heart  am  breakin'  now  in  two,  fo*  yon.  So* 
Yes,  Sue,  I  love  you  deed  I  do, 

An' I  want  no  other  yaller  gal  but  yoo, 
Put  vour  arms  aroanu  me,  and  tell  me  little  Sue, 
Tell  me  that  yon  love  me  like  you  used  to  do. 
Bont  tell  me  dat  you  has  grown  tired,  Sue, 

Cause  I  loves  yon  eber  more  and  more. 
Dere  never  was  another  that  I  'mired.  Sue, 

Ton  am  really  all  that  I  adore. 
Ton  'member  when  a  little  boy,  and  girl,  8ne, 
Ton  tole  me  that  you  love  me  true  and  plain. 
Won't  you  say  you  love  me  now,  like  yon  used  to  do  ■omehov^ 
Oh,  listen  while  I  sing  to  yon  again.— CAoriM. 


JOSEPHINE  MY  JO 


"t^yrlgtit,  18(8,  by  Howley.  Havfland  ft  Co.      En^MsU  C*nTtckt 

Words  and  Music  by  Paul  Barnes. 
I  know  a  little  maiden  and  her  name  is  Josephine, 

Josephine  my  Jo. 
She  i^juBt  the  sweetest  little  maiden  ever  seen        '  - '         . . '"  > 
And  I  love  her  so.  '   v    X 

I  dont  know  If  she'll  have  me  or  if  I  stand  any  ah«w.      '.\- ,  . 

But  I'll  ask  her  to  be  mine  to-day,  ^  ■ 

Sweet  Josephine mv  Jo,  .;".''...'■-■■'■/■ 

And  this  is  What  I'U  say.  ■.•.•.■;' 

"■.■  Cbortts.         • ;  >[■'■  '■_'-'.  -l ■:  ':':'^iy. 

Josephine  my  Jo,  ■■:.•'.-■"'■! 

;    ,  Say  Im  your  only  bean,  .  .     • : 

.'     ,     And  if  yon  love  me  truly  tell  me  so  my  Jo. 
,    ■:•  ..  Josephine  you  are  the  queen  of  all  the  girls  I  know 

And  if  you  love  me  tell  me  so.  -  ■  ■ 

And  if  she  says  she  loves  I  will  go  and  bay  the  ring. 

For  Josephine  my  Jo.  ,;.•••     -'. 

I'll  build  a  little  cottage  just  to  put  my  Josie  in,    "  .•.■  •,  "    •,;: 
She'll  be  true  I  know.  •    '  *• 

And  when  the  happy  time  does  come  when  we  shall  narriad  to 

And  I'm  walking  down  the  aisle  so  gay 
With  Josephine  my  Jo, 
Yon  11  hear  the  organ  play.  :■:■■■■-,■  y^-:.-^..'  .■ 

i    .  Chobus.  '.■■'•'■ ,. 

.     Jopsephine  my  Jo,  say  I'm  your  only  beak.    ":' 

And  If  yon  love  me  truly,  ,•,...■■-•- 

Tell  me  so  my  Jo,  ..       !   '  "^         :■    .. 

Josephine  my  Jo,  ,','";■ 

■       If  yon  love  me,  tell  me  so  my  Jo    ■''":'>::_ 


BRING  MAMA  BACK  TO  ME 


\ 


Copyright,  1898,  by  Howley,  Havtland  ft  Co.    English  Copyright  i 
Words  by  Andrew  B.  Sterling.    Music  by  Harry  Von  TtlMr. 
A  little  tot  of  seven,  sat  on  her  father's  knee.  ^ :  > 

*'  Tell  me  dad,"  she  whispered,  "  Where  can  mama  be  t"    .    . 
•    •' Hush,"  he  gently  answered,  "  she  has  gone  away. 

This  Is  Christmas  eve,  love,  run  away  and  play,  -.-.j " 

'    Santa  Clans  will  bring  you  presents  by  the  score." 
'    Then  the  little  maiden  jumped  down  to  the  floor.        ;  . ,.  ., :  ;    .;v 
Pilled  his  heart  with  anguish,  tho'ts  of  her  who  fled,    '    " 
As  she  knelt  beside  him  and  then  she  softly  said : 

Rrfrain. 
**  I  dont  want  no  Christmas  presents,  Santa  Clans  can  kaap  tkea  all, 
TeU  him  that  I  said  this,  won't  you  r    If  to  see  me  he  shoold  call, 
TeU  him  I  am  longing,  papa,  and  how  happy  I  would  be, 
U  in  place  of  toys  and  dolly,  he'd  bring  mama  back  to  me." 

He  stooped  and  raised  her  gently  and  kissed  her  once  agaim. 
.      "  Papa  you  are  crying,  have  I  caused  you  pain, 
T^  me  are  you  lonesome,  why  are  yon  so  sad  f 
If  he  brought  back  mama,  would  it  make  you  glad  f  " 
■  -     "  Hushl  my  little  loved  one  you  will  break  my  neart. 
^  Some  day  you  shall  see  her  tho'  we're  far  apart. 
Kiss  me  goodnight  darling,  let  me  be  alone." 
"*  Don't  forget,  dear  papa,^'  she  cried  in  r^nornful  ton*.—. 


YANKEE  HEITEEIT  GLUE  I  4sleep  at  the  Switch, 

C^epyrlght,  1816,  by  Howley,  Havlland  ft  Co.  Engllsb  Convrlgbt  secnie^    I  ' 


Engllsb  Copyright  secnie^ 
Music  by  Lyn  Udall. 


by  Howley,  Havlland  ft  Co. 

Written  by  Karl  Kennett. 
We  pick  him  op  In  Cisco, 

In  Florida  or  Frisco  :  .  ^ .     -      . 

And  teach  him  to  manipulate  a  gun. 

We  mount  him  on  a  pony. 
That's  razor  back'd  and  bony. 

And  set  him  chasing  Indians  for  fun. 
Bis  name  may  be  Mnllaly,  Gnghelmer  or  Piszall, 

It  doesn't  matter  BO  he  wears 'he  blOto ;     , 
And  tinker,  clerk  or  cooper. 

When  once  he's  tnrn'd  a  trooper, 
He'll  answer  to  the  name  of  Reuben  Glue.    , 

CHORtlS.  "    .  '  ■ 

Ton  may  talk  of  your  Palatkins, 

Your  Turks,  or  Tommy  Atkins,  —  •  ■  ; 

We  know  'em  and  we  rather  like  'em  too ; 

But  when  it  comes  to  citing 
The  chaps  to  do  the  fighting 

We  pin  our  faith  to  Yankee  Renben  Glne  . 

When  border  troubles  vex  ne. 

We  send  him  down  to  Texas, 
To  make  a  blooming  blister  of  his  face.  ■ 

And  when  the  gay  Comanches 
Cut  up  and  burn  the  ranches,  .  :' 

He  goes  and  gently  puts  them  back  in  plaoft 
As  often  as  they  ve  got  him. 

When'  they  could  safely  pot  him. 
He's  died  as  Yankee  troopers  ever  do ;  - 

He's  not  a  howling  beauty. 
But  then  he  knows  His  duty. 

And  does  it  like  a  Yankee  Reuben  Qlat.—Chomik. 


■>* 


We  hardly  ever  see  him. 

We  wouldn't  like  to  be  him,  ' 

We  all  have  other  irons  in  the  fire.  ;,'..' 

But  when  the  Y'ankee  Nation, 
Gets  up  a  celebration, 

We  want  him  there  in  holiday  attire. 
And  HO  may  heaven  speed  him,  '.■    '  ;• . '   -; ■ 

He's  there  if  we  should  need  him,    y ;     ;     .1  V '..";  V  .-'. 
As  almost  any  day  we're  apt  to  do  ;  ■'■■  :.",•-->:  ■',  v  '- 

There  isn't  many  of  him,                 ';'•::;  ./•":•'" 
So  all  the  more  we  love  him.  '      ~ 

And  here's  a  health  to  Yankee  Renben  Olae.— C^ortt* 


Copyrlgbt.  18>7,  by  E.  T.  PanlL  ..'''" 

Words  and  Music  by  Chas.  Sbackford. 

ifhe  midnight  express  wUl  be  late  here  to-night,    . 

So  side-track  the  West-bound  freight; 
Those  were  the  orders  that  Tom  had  received. 

As  he  passed  through  the  ronnd  house  gate; 
^m  was  the  switchman,  with  heart  true  as  steel. 

And  duty  was  first  in  his  breast, 
I9nt  the  thought  of  his  boy,  who  was  dying  at  heme< 

erased  Tom,  and  he  fell  at  his  post. 
Hie  shrill  whistle  blew  on  the  freight  for  the  West, 

The  rumble  was  heard  of  the  midnight  expreait . 

Rkfbain. 
Asleep  at  the  switch,  and  no  warning  light. 
To  signal  those  trains  that  rushed  through  the  night. 
When  down  to  the  switch  ran  Toms  daughter  Ndl, 
The  crisis  had  passed,  his  boy  would  get  well; 
Bhe  caught  up  the  light  and  waved  it  on  high,      ■.    ! 
And  side-tracked  the  West-bound  freight,  .   '   • 

And  the  midnight  express  all  in  siJety  flew  by,       ' 
While  Tom  was  asleep  at  the  switch.  '     -,    - 

?be  freight  slowly  backed  on  the  main  track  again. 

The  men  called  to  Tom  good-night, 
•1>nly  the  sob  of  a  girl  made  reply,  ..■,'■ 

And  they  saw  bv  the  engine's'light,       "        •!.•.■ 
?om  lying  flat  at  £ie  pout  where  he  feli,  "   ■  •  "    ■  ^ 

And  there,  with  her  head  on  his  breast,  '  *      '  . •' 

^as  his  brave  daughter  Nell,  who  had  saved  all  their  lives. 

And  those  on  the  midnight  express. 
3ach  man  on  the  freight  for  the  West  bared  his  head, 

7or  Tom's  heart  had  stopped,  at  his  post  he  lay  dead. 

ILsIeep  at  the  switch,  the  president  read,  ^  "  '     '^.. 

•    '"  And  my  wife  and  child  were  on  board,"  he  aaid,     S'--  ..  •''•r^^ 
But  as  he  read  on,  his  stem  face  relaxed,  ~  \ 

"  This  road  shall  reward  such  heroic  acts"; 
He  sat  at  bis  desk  and  filled  out  a  check. 
And  sent  it  with  all  dispatch, 

'Twas  for  Tom's  daughter  Nell,  for  her  brave  deed  that  nifffct. 
While  he  slept  his  last  sleep  at  the  switch. 


,:'*:» 


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^  HOME  LAW 

SCHOOL  SERIES 

By  CHARLES  E.  CHADMAN,  LL.D. 

Author  of  "The  Home  Law  School  Series,"  and  Member  of  the  Ohio  Bar. 


iiil 


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Witchcraft  I 


DEVIIATIOR,  OMENS,  FOREWARNINOS,  APPA- 

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WITH  THE  DEVIL,  ALSO  THE  AUTHENTIC 

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-A  Book  so  Stranffe  and  Wonderful  that  the  human  mind  can  barely  orrasp  its  mysterlM.  Tha 
Belief  In  Black  Arts  and  Ita  Practlc«  datea  back  for  thousands  of  yt^an.  All  countries  and  Nationa 
hava  Kiven  it  attention,  and  the  refined  and  rude,  the  Ignorant  and  the  learned  have  been  and  ara 
now  Dellevers  In  it.  Tha  Dark  Nifrht  of  Superstition  will  never  end.  and  no  day  will  ever  break  so 
brlffht  aa  to  drive  away  mauklnd'a  firm  belief  in  the  mysteries  that  this  Book  strives  to  unravel. 
It^yea  thenamea,  livea  and  doinKS  of  all  the  noted  witches  of  Ancient  and  Modern  times,  what 
they  done  and  how  they  done  it,  and  how  many  were  huuK  In  America  and  other  countries.  Lot- 
tary  Prixea  how  Won.  Forpwarninga  and  what  they  mean.  The  blood-curdling  History  of  the 
"White  l^dy."  Freaks  of  Nature.  The  Witches  Herbs  for  Curlnjr  all  kinds  of  Dlseaae,  and  what 
ttM  Herba  are.  Also  the  Famoua  FJixer  of  Life,  that  Restores  the  A^ed  to  the  bovancy  of  Youth. 
gaetng  with  the  Eyes  Closed.  Visions  of  those  we  knew.  The  I>i  viniiiK  R<  'd  and  How  to  Make  one. 
A  wrtier  saya  that  with  this  DlvininK  Rod  he  discovered  a  valuable  Coal  .Mine,  and  was  paid  86,000 
for  locatintr  it.  It  la  the  Best  Divining  Rod  for  locating  Gold  and  Silver  Mines  ever  known.  In 
tha  bands  of  some  people  this  Book  la  a  anre  fortune.  The  Philosophers  Secrets  of  changing 
Lead  Into  Precious  Metala.  To  Tincture  Silver  into  Gold  To  Cure  Diseases  by  Magical  Celes- 
tial and  Sympathetic  Meana.  How  Mafflclana  Call  Forth  Souls  of  the  Dead.  Magic  Crrstals  and 
Spirit  MbTora,  In  which  are  aald  to  be  aeen  Forms,  Objects,  Visions,  and  moat  Beautiful  Scenes 
of  Worlda  IXnEDOwa  to  Earth  Moitala,  and  the  Forms  of  Lining  Friends  distant  from  you  are  seen, 
and  their  jnovementsknown  at  that  very  moment  althonsh  mllea  away.  We  are  living  now  in  an 
Af«  of  MYSTERY  ae  difficult  to  aatlafactorijy  explain  aa  themyaterlea  of  two  thouaited  yeara  ago. 
Tnla  book  teaohea  how  to  sununon  and  converse  with  Spirits.  How  the  Demons  can  be  made  to 
4o  m*za  blddlDff.    This  Booa  1:  a  treaanre.  valuable  all  through  yotir  UIe.f  Price  43  CENTS* 

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•      .'-U  .' J.    J.V".. 


tHK    HIOOCN    KEY    THAT    UNLOCKS    THE    FUTURE.  » 


^  OLD  GYPSEY  MADGE'S 


Oil. 


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taining 200  pages 26  ceat*. 

Burdett's    Patriotic    Recitations 

and    Readings.— This  worh 

contains   64     American     PatriotI* 

•elections  in  prose  and  poetry,  e& 
pressly  aJapted  for  public  or  pariot 
recitations.  Comprising  the  best 
•elections  of  soul-stirrinf  patriotJa 
orations  and  apeechee  published. 
Illustrated  cover.    Priceh .  -  •««  cent* 

Wilson's  Modern  Dances. 

A  Full  and  Complete  Exposition  tf  all  tbf 
Newaet  and  Popular  Danoea.., 


with  the  fullest  and  most  explicit  dIrectfona,fniS 
trated  by  diagrams  of  tbe  figures  and  bars  of  mosloj 
showing  the  limes  and  the  movements.  It  eontalna 
also  full  Instruction  as  to  all  that  It  required  for 
Balls,  ^oclsbles,  Parties,  etc. ;  how  to  make  tbe  ar- 
rangements; the  responsibilities  and  duties  of  offi- 
cers anil  committees;  tbe  rules  of  conduct  andetU 

Quette :  in  short,  all  (hat  the  managers  of  or  partlcW 
pants  in  a  dance  need  to  know.  By  stndnng  ita 
plalnly-wrlrten  pages  the  getttteman  not  only  easily 
lesms  the  rudhnenXal  positions  and  morements,  bat 
be  galas  that  entire  msstary  of  all  the  etlqtwttc  of 
fashionable  da^ng  reunloas  tnot  quallfles  ninsto 
prompt  snd  stfroltky  led  hti  fafr  partner  la  ail  the 
advances,  retirlnrs,  swingings,  aad  balances,  wklle 
the  tacy  learns  from  this  book  bow  to  araeefnlly 
yl'ld  to  thorlghtest  hint  and  gentlest  inouon  of  bet 
Skilled  partner.  Jt  1  'XRnccriNSTBUCTOB.fTlceJiftcta* 


Send  all  Orders  direct  to  W£HMAN  BROSa,  126  Park  Row,  New  York. 


Any  of  the  following  Plays  sent,  post-paid,  on  receipt  of 
FIFTUEN  CENTS  each,  except  where  otherwise  stated. 


APRIL  FOOLS.  A  farce  in  1  act,  for  3  male  characters,  by  W.  F.  Chap- 
man. Time,  BO  minutes.  For  a  half  ho>ir  of  roaring  fun  this  farce  has 
few  equ^ils.  It  is  brisk,  bright  and  full  of  funny  situations,  and  the  char- 
acters are  exceedingly  well  contrasted.  Each  imagining  that  the  others 
are  foohsh,  crazy  or  drunk,  misunderstandings  follow  one  another  in 
rapid  succession  luitil,  when  everything  is  in  a  hopeless  tangle,  it  is  dis- 
covery that  all  three  are  the  victims  of  a  practical  joker  who  has  made 
"  April  Fools  "  of  them.    No  scenery  reqmred. 

BACHELOR'S  BEDROOM;  or  two  in  the  morntno.  A  farce  In  1  act, 
by  Clias.  Matthews,  as  played  at  Burton's  Theatre,  N.  Y.  2  male  charac- 
ters. Time  40  minutes.  Hhows  the  inconveniences  that  arise  from  in- 
viting a  crank  to  share  your  bedroom  at  2  A.  M. 

It  '  ACK  MAIL.  A  farce  in  1  act,  for  3  darkey  comedians.  Interior 
Bcene,  or  nu  scene  at  all.  Time,  about  half  an  hour.  A  musical  doctor, 
a  youth  whose  valentines  and  love  lett<;r8  get  jiini  into  scrapes,  and  a 
colored  gentleman  very  much  "  on  the  make,"  will  create  a  great  deal  of 
laughter  with  their  coiuicaUties.  Admits  of  specialties,  and  is  very  funny. 

DE  DARKEY  TRAGEDIAN.  An  Ethiopian  sketch  in  1  scene,  for  2  black 
face  comedians.  Plays  about  10  minutes.  Mr.  Brown,  a  manager,  sends 
for  Mr.  Forest,  a  tragedian,  who  throws  himself  into  attitudes  and  gives 
various  burlestjue  specimens  of  tragic  acting.    Taking  when  well  done. 

>OARKEY  WOOD-DEALER.  A  farce  in  1  act,  by  Chas.  Townsend.  2 
males,  1  female.  Time,  20  minutes.  Each  character  is  first  class.  The 
Wood-dealer  is  one  of  the  best  negro  characters  on  the  stage.  The  Deacon 
is  a  highly  amusing  old  man,  and  Mrs.  Deacon  (tliis  part  may  be  played 
by  a  young  man )  a  tremendous  hit  as  a  "  strong  minded  "  female.  This 
farce  is  certain  to  keep  the  audience  in  a  roar,  and  has  proved  a  sure  hit 
as  played  under  its  author's  management. 

DEACON,  THE  (25  cents.)  A  comedy  drama  in  5  acts,  by  Horace  C. 
Dale.  0  male,  C  female  characters,  viz. : — eccentric  comedy,  old  man,  gen- 
teel villian,  juvenile  lead,  negro  comedian,  country  boy,  2  general  util- 
ity men,  eccentric  old  maid,  1st  and  2nd  walking  ladii^,  character  lady, 
Boubrette  and  juvenile  character.  Time,  2^^  hours.  A  play  of  the  Alvin 
Joslyn  type,  easily  staged,  so  that  it  can  be  played  in  any  hall.  Abounds 
in  humorous  incidents  and  ludicrous  situations,  and  has  a  great  deal  of 
taking  farcial  "  business."  All  the  characters  are  life-like  and  striking, 
and  tnere  are  live  first  rate  comedy  parts.  "Pete  "is  immense,  and 
'  The  Deacon  "  keeps  the  audience  convulsed  every  moment  he  is  on  the 
stage.  This  play  has  met  witli  phenomenal  success  under  its  author's 
direction,  and  is  recommended  to  all  in  need  of  mirthful  comedy -drama. 

^DEAF  IN  A  HORN.  A  Negro  farce  in  1  act,  for  2  black  comedians- 
bones  and  baiijoist.  Plays  about  10  minut<;s.  Admits  of  introduction  of 
various  specialties  and  a  great  deal  of  comical  "  business"  with  an  ear 
trumpet. 

DUTCHMAN  IN  IRELAND.  A  farce  in  1  act.  3  male  characters- 
Dutchman,  genteel  Irishman  and  Irish  p<;a.sant  disguised  as  an  old 
woman.  Playi  room  scene.  Time,  20  minutes.  Major  Mansfelt  buys  an 
Irisli  estate  on  which  he  is  not  wanted.  Two  of  his  new  neighbors  dis- 
guise themselves  and  give  him  so  warm  a  reception  that  he  is  glad  to  es- 
cape with  his  life,  and  abandons  all  idea  of  being  a  lauded  proprietor. 
No  scenery  required. 

HELMER'S  ACTORS'  MAKE-UP  BOOK.  (25  cents.)  A  complete  and 
systematic  guide  to  the  art  of  "  Making  up  "  for  the  stage,  by  N.  Helmer. 
With  spe<'ial  chapters  on- theatrical  wigs  and  beards;  the  make-up  and 
its  requisites;  the  different  features  and  their  treatment;  typical  char- 
acter masks,  etc.  With  spetual  hints  to  ladies.  Designed  for  the  use  of 
profession-il  and  amatt:ur  actors  and  actresses.  Illustrated.  The  most 
accurate  and  practical  make-up  manual  ever  pubUshed — goes  ahead  of 
all  others.  It  is  a  jx^rfect  encyclopedia  of  a  branch  of  knowledge  essen- 
tial to  the  real  succt-ss  of  all  players ;  and  many  old  actors  may  glean 
from  a  perusal  of  it,  something  they  didn't  know  before. 

WANTED,  A  CONFIDENTIAL  CLERK.  Afarcein  1  act, by  W.  F.  Chap- 
man. 6  male  characters,  viz, :  eccentric  merchant  with  a  weakness  for 
proverbs,  comic  Irishman,  "  dude,"  talkative  "  sport,"  shabby  genteel 
"  bummer  "  and  the  clerk  who  gets  the  situation.  A  capital  farce  with 
scoi>e  for  easy  character-acting,  full  of  ridiculous  situations,  racy  dialo- 
gue, comical  "  business  "  and  spiritetl  action.  Shows  a  merchant's  difli- 
culty  in  .securing  a  .satisfactory  clerk,  and  creates  unlimited  merriment. 
Time,  ao  minutes.    No  scenery  required. 

WRONG  BOTTLE.  A  temperance  8ket<;h  in  1  scene,  by  McDermott 
and  Trumble.  2  male  cliaracters.  Time,  20  minutes.  Larry  McGinnis 
18  very  frisky  and  the  profe.ssor  very  abs«^nt-minded.  Larry  helps  him- 
self from  the  wrong  bottle,  and  nearly  loses  his  life  and  his  situation  in 
3on9e«juence.  But  by  a  lucky  chance  he  pulls  through,  takes  the  pro- 
fessor 8  advice  and  reforms.  The  characters  are  good,  dialogue  and 
'  business  "  funny,  and  the  moral  pointed. 

UNCLE  TOM'S  CABIN  (Original  Version.)  A  drama  in  6  acts,  drama- 
tized trom  Mrs.  Harint  B.-i-eiier  Stowe's  famous  novel,  by  Geo.  L.  Aiken. 
15  male,  ti  female  characters.  Timts  alK>ut  a  hours.  "This  is  the  original 
3  act  version  which  has  been  played  thousands  of  times. 

OLO  CRONIES.  A  comedietta  in  1  act,  for  2  male  characters,  by  S. 
Theyre  Smith.  Time,  JO  minutes.  A  clever  little  play  in  which  two 
comedians  can  furnish  a  half  hour  of  rollicking  fun.  The  mild-manner- 
ed old  gentleman  is  in  happy  ctmtrast  with  the  bluff,  gruff  and  noisy  old 
gentleman.  Both  are  supremely  funny,  and  their  awkward  attempt  to 
write  a  joint  stock  love  lett**r  is  one  of  the  richest  bits  of  humor  ever 
presented.     No  scenery  required. 

A  MANAGER'S  TRIALS.  Farce  in  1  act.  9  male  characters.  Plays  30 
minutes.  This  piece  is  rich  in  oi)port unities  for  easy  but  eflFective  char- 
acter-acting for  lx)ys  or  young  men.  The  manager,  his  darkey  servant, 
a  "dude,"  a  "tough,"  a  stage-struck  Dntcliman,  a  crusln^sd  tragedian, 
and  the  others  can  make  an  audience  of  mummies  laugh  for  half  an  hour. 

FREEZING  A  MOTHER-IN-LAW.  Farce  in  1  act.  3  males,  2  females. 
Plays  45  minutes.  CJives  clialu-es  for  g<KHl  acting  all  around,  vrixh  hu- 
morous dialogm-  and  uncommonly  droll  incidents.  There  is  not  an  ob- 
jection»"ble  line  in  it.     Will  fetch  continous  shouts  of  laughter. 

FURNISHED  APARTMENTS.  A  farce  in  1  act.  5  male  characters. 
Plain  ro«jm  scene  or  no  s<'ene  at  all.  Time,  50  minutes.  Dr.  Planus  lets 
his  suit  of  rooms  to  Mr.  Thoinpscm,  not  knowing  that  they  have  already 
been  let  by  his  assistant  to  Mr.  Smith.  Both  lodgers  arriving  to  take 
possession  at  the  same  hour,  a  laughable  scene  ensues. 


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MY  AWFUL  DAD.  Comedy  in  8  acts.  9 males,  8 females.  Time Shomfc. 
The  comical  scrapes  into  which  the  frisky  "dad"  plunges  his  stniV 
laced  son,  keep  the  audience  in  a  roar  from  beginning  to  end. 

JOSIAH'S  COURTSHIP.  (25  cents.)  A  farcical  oomedv-drama  in  four 
acts.  T  male,  4  female  charact^-r,  viz. :  Eccentric  old  man,  comedv  load, 
genteel  heavy,  detective,  newsboy.  Irishman,  darkev  com«iv,  comic  old 
maid,  leading  comedy  lady,  walking  lady  and  flirtirigsoubrette.  Time, 
2  hours.  This  play  resembles  the  same  author's  "The  Deacon."  Re- 
quiring but  httle  scenery.  The  act-endings  are  jwirticularly  good,  cre- 
ating uprorious  merriment  and  insuring  curtain  calls.  Every  club  that 
has  produced  "  The  Deacon  "  wants  "  Josiah's  Courtship." 

A  HOLY  TERROR.  A  farce  in  1  act.  4  male  characters— either  whit« 
or  black  face.  Plain  room  scene  or  no  sc»'ne  at  all.  Costumes  to  suit. 
Plays  30  minutes.  Specialties  can  be  introcuced  according  to  conven- 
ience and  talent.    The  piece  will  make  an  audience  laugh  till  they're  tired. 

NIGGER  NIGHT  SCHOOL.  A  farce  in  1  act.  6  male  charact<>rs.  A 
funny  skit  full  of  comic  biusiness  and  darkey  jokes  that  will  fetch  shouts 
of  laughter.  Admits  of  suecialties  and  riuis  30  minutes.  No  scenery  re- 
quired, a  desk  and  a  bencn  being  the  only  essentials. 

THAT  RASCAL  PAT.  Farce  in  1  act.  3  males,  2  females.  Has  a  first 
rat*?  Irish  character  whose  varying  drolleries,  impudence  "tnd  blunder- 
ing in  trying  to  .serve  two  masters  at  once,  convulse  the  audience  with 
explosive  mirth.    Time  50  minut*js.    No  scenery  required. 

BETSEY  BAKER.  Farce  in  1  act.  2  males,  2  females.  Plavs  45  min 
ntes.  Parlor  scene.  Uprorious  laught<'r  straight  through.  a\1  the  char- 
acters are  good,  that  of  Betsey  Baker  being  one  of  the  best  comedy  part^ 
known  to  the  stage. 

WHAT'S  rJEXT?  (25  cents.)  Comedy-drama  in  3  acts.  7  malew,  4  fe 
males.  Time  2V^  hours.  If  desired,  a  lot  of  children  can  be  work<Hi  into 
the  first  act.  which  is  a  school-room  st^ene.  Admits  of  the  intrcxluction 
of  snecialties.  Polly  Ann  Poke,  a  leading  country  girl  part,  is  immense. 
Willy  Nilly ,  a  "  dude,"  Timothy  from  Texas,  Phines,  one  of  the  deestrict 
skule  board.  Moses  Madder,  with  a  great  head  for  biusimiss;  Chub,  who 
takes  what  turns  up ;  Mary  Ann  Fogarty  and  an  Irish  p<)liceman— these 
and  the  remaining  chara<ters  will  elicit  constant  .sh<mts  of  laughter 
straight  through  the  3  acts.    Audience  giggle  over  this  play  for  a  month 

A  DARK  NOIGHT'S  BUSINESS.  An  Irish  farce  in  1  act.  3  males  I 
female.  Kitchen  scene.  Time,  25  minut**.  Achapwid  ti>i(jht  pants  an" 
a  piccatlilly  collar  gets  into  the  wrong  hous«'  by  mistake,  which  makes 
such  an  uproar  that  if  it  hadn't  Ix^en  for  Mary  Ann  Casey  there's  no 
knowing  what  might  have  happi-ned.  A  funny  afterpiece,  sure  to  bring 
down  the  house. 

SHE  WOULD  BE  A  WIDOW;  or.  BUTTERNUT'S  BRIDE.  (25oents.t 
An  original  farce-comedy  with  a  plot,  in  3  acts.  For  laughing  purposes 
only.  11  male,  0  female  chrracters  (can  l>e  ulaved  by  7  gt-ntlemen  and 
4  ladies*.  Time,  2^2  hours.  The  leading  male  c"hara<"t«-rs,  an  old  plum- 
ber and  a  good-for-nothing  dcK-ter,  offer  uncommon  opi>ort unities  for  2 
comedians;  the  remaining  male  i>arts  will  yield  liarreLs  of  fun  i  luidep- 
taker,  burglar,  speculator,  member  of  the  Legislature,  <'tc.  i  The  ladies 
cliaracters,  vivacioiLS  society  girl,  sprightly  young  widow,  comic  old 
woman,  rollickiiig  soubrette,  irate  Irisliwoman  and  frothy  French  dame 
are  all  first  ratd,  but  none  of  them  difficult. 

DOT  QUIET  LODGINGS.  A  sketch  in  1  scene^  5  maU-s,  1  lemate.  Plait 
riMjin  .scene.  Time,  20  minutes.  Peter  Schlageiihauffeii,  who  keeps  a 
hxlging  tiouse,  gets  more  trouble  than  rent.  Aft<'r  l>'iiig  stu<-k  iiy  a 
dude  lodger  and  having  a  sc:rap  witli  liis  Iri.sh  tenants,  he  is  rtaicued  fr«jjr 
his  woes  by  the  poUce.    A  roaring  afterpiece. 

DOT  MADRIMONIAL  ADVERTISEMENT.  A  sketch  in  1  act.  5  nu  <es 
1  female — the  female  part  mav  be  playe<l  by  a  man.  Plain  room  see  « 
Time,  25  minutes.  Mr.  Ciruntley  advertis«-s  for  a  coachman  ;  his  Duteh 
liousemaid  advertises  for  a  liusband.  He  gets  on<?  reply — .she  g<'ts  many 
replies.  When  he  returns  honu;  from  bu-siness,  the  place  looks  as  thougn 
it  had  been  struck  by  UgHtning.    Funny  all  through. 

16000  YEARS  AGO.  A  negro  farce  in  1  act.  3  male  characters— alJ 
black  faces.  Play  alxnit  15  niiiiiites.  funny  incidents  follow  one  another 
so  last  that  tn»;  amlitors  will  fall  out  of  their  scats  with  laughter,  if  thfc 
piece  is  rapidJy  played.    No  scenery  required. 

HARVEST  STORM.  A  drama  in  1  act.  10  male  charact^'rs.  Time.  40 
minutt's.  Landscape  scene.  Tile  story  of  a  bank  clerk  falselv  (uvu.si'd 
of  embezzUnu-nt,  and  liis  final  e.xculpaticm  is  set  fortli  with  lin:h  dra 
matic  eff«H:!t  and  unflagging  interest.  The  comic  element  is  furnishi'd 
by  Samuel  Lexicon,  the  conniiler  of  anew  dictionary,  who  gits  off  a 
uumlxjr  of  eccentric  witticisms.    Easy  to  play,  and  requires  no  scenery. 

PERSECUTED  DUTCHMAN;  or,  the  orioinai.  .john  srnMinr.    Farce 

in  1  act.  t)  male,  a  female  characters.  Time,  ijO  minutes.  Audieliceg 
never  tire  of  tliis  farce.  Shouts  of  laughter  greet  the  indescrilwblv  fun- 
ny predicaments  of  a  Dutch  commercial  traveller  who  stops  at  a"hotol 

ROUGH  DIAMOND,    ^arce  in  1  act.    4  male,  3  female  charact.<-r.s.    Par 
lor  st'(  ne.    Modern  costu. lies.     TiiiK-,  40  minutes.    In  tliis  farce,  the  c<»n 
trast  iM'tween  a  countiv  bumpkin  and  his  fashi<«nal>le  city  eousin   is 
laughable  in   the  extreme    wliile  dialogue  and   situations  are  funny 
straight  through.    Ea.sy  to  ulay      It  is  also  calUxi,  "  Cou.sin  Joe  s  Visit. 

DE  TROUBLE  BEGINS  AT  NINE.  A  negro  farce  in  1  act.  T^vo  male 
cometliaiis.  Funny  all  rhrou(;h,  and  admits  of  the  intrchluction  of  var 
ious  siKH'ialties.  There  is  a  comical  music  les.son  incident  which  will 
make  the  audience  fairly  scream.  No  scenery  required.  Plays  20  minutea 

TURN  HIM  OUT.  Farce  in  1  act.  8  male,  2  female  characters.  Plays 
45  minutes.  No  scenery  re<iTiired.  Ni<'odemus  Nobbs  is  •♦i;)loy<'d  to 
turn  a  too  attentive  dude  out  of  the  house,  but  g<?ts  hold  of  tin*  pfoprie 
tor  by  mistake.    The  situation  gives  rise  to  any  quantity  of  roaring  f  ua. 

DEACON'S  TRIBULATIONS.  A  com«»dy-drama  in  four  acts.  8  male,  4 
female  cliaracters.  Time  2  hours.  This  is  a  worthy  su<-ces.sor  to  the 
ever  popular  "  Deacon,"  in  wliich  the  old  favorit<'s  reai)j>ear  amid  new 
surroundiniTs.  all  of  them  a  little  f>lder,  some  of  them  very  much  mar 
ried.  The  bu.siness  is  just  as  forcible,  the  situations  just  "as  laughable 
and  the  act-entlings  just  as  uj)roarious  as  they  are  in  the  older  play 
Pete  is  ut)  to  all  his  old,  an<l .  ome  new  tricks;  Daisy  is  made  happy  for- 
ever, and  The  Dea<-on  is  fina^yaud  complet'tly  cured  of  fondness  for 
lemonade  with  a  stick  in  it. 

AN  IRISH  ENGAGEMENT  A  farce  in  1  act.  4  male,  2  female  chai^ 
acters.  Plain  nx.ni  .scene  Time,  45  minut<'S.  Lively  and  laughable, 
with  a  first  rate  Irishman  wro  makes  a  great  deal  of  fun. 

HAUNTED  HOUSE.    A  N.  Tro  farce  in  1  act.    2  male  charact-ers  fland 
lord  and  whitewasher)  and  -everal  ghosts.    Plain  interior  scene.     Time* 
about  15  minuter.    Pete  Jf)hnson  tries  a  httle  spirit  rapping  and  is  scared 
nearly  out  of  his  wits  in  consequence. 


SEND    ALL    ORDESS    LISECT    TO    WEHMAN    BEOS.,    126    PARK    RO^ 


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